Our His Stor E: Past and Present

To Thy Ownself Be True

2011-08-27T22:53:00.000-07:00

PREFACE: I have reached a point in my life where I fear adults who don't consider themselves to be the most important adult in their lives. To parents, grandparents and guardians of children as well as children of an ill/disabled parent...I exempt you from this. To the religious and spiritual, of all flavors, I exempt you from this IF AND ONLY IF you consider God or your deity to be most important. To all other adults...if you seriously and truly put the happiness, welfare, and interests of another adult, unconditionally, above your own or your happiness together (if there is a relationship involved)...I fear you.

NOTE: I will ask that everyone re-read the above paragraph because there are a lot of areas here that could be misconstrued. I definitely do not support or condone self-interest above all else. The world is made better by people having relationships, communities, families and responsibilities to one another.

Now, let me start by saying that I believe a person who does not value themselves above others is capable of doing just about anything. They can lie, cheat, steal, ruin and kill themselves. It's true any person could do the same out of self-interest as well. Still, there is one critical difference between a person of self-interest and a subservient person...a person of self-interest ALWAYS has the most important person in their life with them. They will never be separated or broken apart from the person that they have endowed with all the importance of their life. Not even death can separate the two (if you believe in an afterlife). A subservient person has placed all the importance of their life on the bidding of another person. There are any number of ways to sever the relationship or access to that person. When that relationship, that access is severed...that subservient person becomes very dangerous. Not only are they left with themselves, whom they don't view as #1 (who cares what I do to myself, let alone anyone else) now they are either working to get back into the good graces of the one that left them (if they are still alive...think of the astronaut-diaper lady) or they are left to search for someone else to become their #1 (the methods used here are too numerous to even give a good example).

Having any form of relationship (platonic or otherwise) with someone who doesn't consider him/herself to be #1 can be extreme.

If you are the person they consider #1, then you have an incredible amount of power over them. You can do any number of things to them, to their life, to the people in their life and they will find a way to ignore or excuse it. You can misuse, abuse and defile them, your relationship or both and that too will go ignored or excused. Where you will have an issue is trying to leave them. No person is more likely to snap than someone who has given you everything. No person is more likely to cut your dick off, cut your break line, stab you in your sleep, stalk you, kill you than this person.

If you are not the person they consider to be #1, then ultimately your caring, sharing, beliefs, opinions, values, rules of personal conduct, rules of friendship, family mores, marriage vows, laws, and divine mandates mean nothing to them. Whatever the basis for your relationship (that you hold on to) is a string that is easily cut if you should attempt to come between them and their #1. This person is less likely to be violent with you, but far more likely to use subtle means to keep whatever you are providing. In any case, they are just as likely to disregard your relationship as keep it because anything you provide them doesn't and will never match their #1.

I have known far too many people in my life who tell a never-ending string of lies to themselves (and consequently to others). I have spent so long knowing, befriending, and in the past, dating people like this that I've given up on trying to relate, deal with, or fix it. A person who is either unwilling or incapable of seeing themselves as more important (baring children, the ill parent/child, or the divine) can only fix themselves if and when they decide they want to badly enough.

MARRIAGE: There will be some who would bring up marriage as an instance where there should be an exemption. A person's husband or wife should be more important to them than themselves. I couldn't disagree more. Any relationship where you chose to get into it and could, if so inclined, choose to get out of it is not a situation where you should make this person everything. Why? Because if you lose that relationship, by any means, then you are left with nothing. You made the determination that you weren't #1 and it becomes extraordinarily hard to get that back, if you ever had it in the first place.

A marriage, at least in most Western cultures, is a voluntary union of two individuals who choose to make the other person important to them. They choose to take care of the other person, take care of themselves, pay the bills, hold a job, pay compliments, have sex, clean the house, take out the trash, be honest, spend time together, and all the other wonderful things that come with a good and healthy relationship. That relationship is a bond of choices...you choose to make it important or you choose not to. The other person chooses to make you important to them or they choose not to. "Til' death do us part" is not the end-all-be-all. "Til' I choose not to" is. If anything, that is why I love marriage and hold it in such high esteem. I celebrate people who have been married for long periods of time because through all the things they've been through individually and together they have continued to choose each other. Through most moments, days, months, years, decades they have made the choice that their spouse was important. As the current divorce rates will tell you, they don't have to make that choice.

MY MARRIAGE:
My wife doesn't have to make that choice with me, but she has and she does and it is one of the many reasons I love her. I don't have to make that choice with her, but I have and I do because it is IMPORTANT TO ME. I love my wife but it doesn't mean that I have to or unconditionally will be with my wife forever or she with me. If I was a danger to her, our children or both she would leave me and it is a comfort to know that she would...I wouldn't deserve her or them. The opposite is also true. We both share a love for our children that would (for purposes of their or our own protection) surpass our love and relationship. In short, if my wife were a danger to me (self-interest) or my children (also self-interest but holds a higher place than caring for myself) then the choice would change because of something MORE IMPORTANT.

My children are unconditionally more important than me. It has caused me to grow in ways I didn't think possible and gave me a greater appreciation of what my mother did for me. My wife is more important than me in many ways and I readily make that choice. I am learning to make that choice more consistently, which is just a part of me and our relationship maturing. My God is more important than me and I am learning to make that choice more consistently as well. There are many things I will choose to put above myself, but I will always reserve that choice as my own.

Perfectly Imperfect

2011-04-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

To work toward
To strive
To thrive
is to put a goal in mind
a goal of being better
a goal of growing
growing in knowledge
growing in ability
growing as a person

I have that goal
I try to work toward that goal every day
I'm not always on point
I'm not always moving ahead
Some days I move backward
Some days I stay still
and recoup the energy it took to make it this far

I have things in my life that help me recoup
revitalize
re-energize my mind, body and spirit
these things have helped me heal, forgive, and move beyond
those things
foreign and domestic
that have held me back, kept me down, or sapped my strength

Several of those things have lost potency
Several of those things have gone by the wayside
Several of those things I can't do anymore
and still more just don't work at all
There are a precious few left that still have the power to
clear my mind
cleanse my spirit
and power my body
Precious few

Those things aren't happening much these days
There are events, situations and contexts that make those things
difficult
if not impossible

One such measure was taken to excess
to dangerous levels
of expense
of toxicity
of dependence
It no longer was a release valve
It became a pressure builder

So I made a decision to stop
and I did for a time
not nearly as long as I set out to
but I did stop for a time
I came across a flash boil point and
fell back into a newly-minted and non-productive
habit

A habit I'm trying to break
It's not that I want to stop this thing altogether
but I want to break myself of the habit of abusing this thing
out of a perceived dependence on it

Realizing my error, I told my beloved
She is very disappointed and more than a little fearful of
what it might mean
To me, it means I made a mistake
I am willing to own up to my mistake
I am going to continue toward my goals
and hopefully not make that mistake again
I won't say never
I don't make promises that I'm not certain I can keep
and there lies the problem
I'm not certain I can keep this one

My uncertainty is seen as weakness
it is viewed as a character flaw
it is "an indication" of things to come
where I may succumb to my weakness
in matters far more important to me

I can not say that is invalid
but I can not say that this is new either
it is me

I don't hit home runs on the first pitch
I don't say things perfectly the first time
I don't do much of anything perfectly or consistently
when I first try them
but that is not a problem
to me
because I have the determination
to keep trying
to keep going
to start again where others who claim defeat
I am not defeated until I accept defeat
which I never do
I just try again until I'm better
and keep trying until I'm better still
and bit by bit I get to my goals.
There hasn't been one yet that I haven't reached
or am on my way to reaching.

My start was certainly imperfect
but I'll keep trying until I get where I want to be
and in that effort
and in that goal
I will be perfect

Information hidden in an open book

2011-04-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

(This post was originally written on February 21st, 2011)

There is an old saying: If you want to keep something from the (insert ANY disenfranchised, downtrodden group here), put it in a book.

The premise behind it is that the groups that are unsuccessful are unwilling or unable to read. Throughout most of history, that premise has proven more true than many are ready to accept. Throughout most cultures the educated make up the aristocracy because they know more about the system/government, they know more about business, they know more about money, and they know more about people.

That last part, knowing more about people, was the sole reason I am interested in psychology. It is also a big part of the reason that, while I'm not the most amicable employee I am one of the quickest to get ahead. It's a reason why I get along well with so many different types of people and it's something I pride myself in. It can also be one of the things that makes me the maddest when people I care about don't use.

For the most part, people don't look into knowing or finding out more about other people because they assume they already know. A woman is crying because she is sad. A man is angry because he lost his job. A child throws temper tantrums because they want attention. These are things that many of us were raised/taught to believe and many times they are true. The problem is that they are not always true and we are overlooking something significant in those times when our initial belief/assumption is wrong.

That is a very close approximation of where I find myself now. Over the past two months I have started a college course, found a new job, quit my current job, and done a dangerous amount of drinking. I admit it, I have done stupid things recently and I can see how they would be scary to anyone who really cares about me. The problem, my actions. The solution, who knows? But the solution a person comes up with will have a great deal to do with what they attribute the problem to. If they internalize it and come to believe that they are a part of the problem, they'll change themselves. If they believe something external then they might try to alleviate the effect of that thing. But if it is something far larger and far more insidious, then they're faced with the possibility that there is nothing they can do. That is a scary and sad state of affairs. Sad because it may be misinformed. Scary because it leaves the person with two options...fight against an enemy they can't see/reach or abandon trying to help in favor of self-preservation.

In this case, someone I care about very deeply has seen all the actions that I refer to above and decided that the problem is Alcoholism. Given my history of drinking, I'm not decided not to disagree with that assessment but I was before and am now a person who drinks too much. I freely admit that much. That said, my drug of choice is people...always has been. I am a very social person and I quickly go insane when my social outlets and social interactions are cut off. If there are Socialite Anonymous meetings, point me in the right direction.

What happened in those moments that I refer to is not the manifestation or progression of Alcoholism. Then as now, I don't drink heavily at home or by myself. Then as now, I don't dream about or think about drinking. Then as now, I don't become a different person when I drink. Anyone who has seen me sober, in a good mood, in public knows that I'm every bit as outgoing, loud, and occasionally obnoxious then as I am when drinking. Anyone who regularly watches sports with me can attest to that.

What happened in those moments was the culmination of a lasting depression. It is a depression based on a large number of changes in my life...some of them I love and wouldn't change for the world...others I would never had asked for and would like nothing more than to go back to the way things were, or something close to it. These changes started gradually and then hit all at once when my children were born. It happened, I'm dealing with it, and it is getting better.

What seriously concerns me is the blind eye that is turned to what actually is happening in favor of a simpler, easier to swallow explanation...with far more dire circumstances. What seriously concerns me is the belief that this assumption is sufficient to explain a lot of non-drinking related behavior. Do I drink all the time? Am I supposed to be suffering withdrawal pangs? No and no. I am, nonetheless, missing my real addiction...social interaction. I miss it terribly. I don't get an outlet at work because, well, I'm not a terribly PC person and my conversations would lead to trouble if I tried having them at work. I've got enough personal experience with this to know it true.

I'm sure there's more to say on this topic but at the moment I'm tired and drawing a blank.

To be continued...

WRAL News Blog: Charter School Reform: Fightin' words (My Response)

2011-02-24T11:29:00.000-08:00

Please read the story at the link provided before reading the rest of this.
http://www.wral.com/news/state/nccapitol/blogpost/9164163/

It is moments like this that really make me mad at what has happened to America. Essentially the NC Senate was discussing a bill to provide for more charter schools across North Carolina. This is an idea that I whole-heartedly support. I believe most people in this state and around the country support it. Those that don't support it generally do so for one of a few reasons:

1. Charter schools and Magnet schools draw from the same talent pool as regular public schools (usually drawing the best available)
2. Some charter and magnet schools, particularly in the first years of implementation, do poor jobs of tailoring their records/curriculum to typical college acceptance procedures
3. Charter and Magnet schools, as they don't have as wide a variety of students, don't have the overhead (variety of extracurriculars, physical education, athletics, special needs, summer school, transportation, low-income support services) that regular public schools have
4. Charter schools pull money from the same education fund as regular schools, thereby taking from the available funding proportionately but holding a disproportionate burden.

It is a combination of these last two reasons that NC Senator Gladys Robinson (D-Guilford) is upset with the expansion of charter schools in North Carolina. I can understand her concerns, which likely stem from a number of public schools in her county that are losing funding for needed programs to schools which serve smaller populations. What I do not understand and cannot stomach are the underpinnings of her concern. In many ways they are the underpinnings of entitlement and liberalism, but in others it is just a dependent mentality.

Her response was:
"I’m saddened by the fact that I don’t think we really care about education for everybody, but we care about education for those of us who can make sure our kids get it. And about the others, who will end up in poor public schools, that will have to share their funds since we’re not giving any extra money, then we don’t care about those children, wherever they end up on the streets or wherever. It does not appear – regardless of what you’re saying, I don’t think you care."

What this statement says to me is that there are parents who believe it is the government's responsibility to provide subsidy AND access to the best in education.

The subsidy is believed to be necessary because it goes along with a belief that there are people who can not make a better life for themselves. There are too many people trying to get into this country (by plane, by boat, by inner tube, by stowing themselves into the trunks of cars) that come here because they hold the exact opposite belief. This country is still rated in the top 5% of countries that are easiest to do business. There are more distinct industries in this country than in any other. There are more top-notch education opportunities here than in the next 10 countries combined. Providing the opportunity to make a better life for one's self is what we do. In this country we have moved South, then West, then back East, then North, then back South to go where the opportunities are. As a nation we pioneer and trailblaze and innovate. Now, we whine and complain that someone isn't giving us what other people have earned. Forget subsidizing poverty, if you want to do better for yourself and for your kids...go and get it!

Next is the access. This is both a local and a national issue. The belief that an overall "better performing" school is better for any child is ludicrous. There are Rhodes Scholars that come from "poor performing" schools. There are high school and college drop outs, not to mention deadbeats, that come from the best schools in the world. The things that matter the most in whether or not a child succeeds in school have always been the same...child's effort, family/community influence, and resources. This argument suggest that resources are unequal. The argument isn't really an argument as much as it is a statement of fact. The issue is that the people who make this argument are looking at neither global competition nor history.

As a country, there are more resources for children and education now than there have ever been in the history of the world. There are public libraries with computers with internet for FREE. There are educational television shows on broadcast television for FREE. There are tutoring services available in most parts of the country that will offer extra help and teaching to any child that will show up. There are church and civic organizations that put together educational, social, artistic and athletic activities for the whole family the whole year long. As a family living in America, whether or not you are a citizen, there are resources here that people around the globe would swim an ocean for. Oh, and many of those families live on so much less than we do. Many of those families don't have access to educational resources outside of school. Many of those children go to schools that are insufficiently funded. Many of those children go hungry, dirty, and work jobs. Oh, and many of those children are KICKING OUR ASSES in educational attainment. We aren't failing to achieve because we have insufficient resources. We are failing to achieve because we have too many resources. We have become fat, dumb and lazy. The very last thing that we need is to extend more entitlements and subsidies to people who don't want to do what is needed to get ahead. We're so busy trying to fix the weakest links that we are weakening the whole chain.

Intelligent people being led by dumb people

2011-02-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

When, in the course of human history, have so many intelligent people (aware, conscientious, learned, and analytical) been led by the opinions of dumb people who write laser-focused propaganda about events, causes and people based on speculation, interpretation, and often times personal projections of dislike or hatred. When have people so readily given their opinions and conviction to the whim of celebrities? When have sane and sober individuals become crazy and drunk with the hatreds and passions of others? When have people with no physical, political or military power been so able to commandeer the hearts and minds of so many?

When? Whenever people have more fear than hope. Whenever the dramas of the day can be blames on the scapegoats of tomorrow. Whenever people refuse to accept responsibility for their lot in life and when people want someone else to take care of it for them. We now have an entire industry built solely on the premise that it is important for us to tell you what to think and feel. Glenn Beck, Jon Stewart, Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olbermann, Jim Cramer, Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura, Bill Maher, Rush Limbaugh and a whole slew of other people are in the business of telling you, either explicitly or implicitly what you should think, feel and do. The sad part about that is none of these people have the lives that we want.

Most of them are single and have always had relationship problems, their finances (though much higher than the rest of us) regularly get them into trouble, their predictions often never come to pass, and they live personal lives isolated from real friendship/companionship because their professional lives dominate them. Most of them would never be elected to any political office if they ran. Most of them aren't people you would leave your children with if you knew more about them personally. Still, they speak and whether you agree or disagree, you listen. You listen and you debate and you argue and you wish all manner of good/harm on them...for what? Having an opinion?

I don't blame these people. Hell, if I could make millions of dollars just by sharing my opinions and beliefs on TV I'd start tomorrow. There are plenty of people who have opinions and beliefs that I think are retarded, untenable, or abhorrent...but that's the beauty of being here, in this country. Their opinion is just that and it can do NOTHING to me, unless I allow it to. We have reached a point where the citizens of this country are collectively smarter than we've ever been...and yet we're allowing the opinions of everyone from Mel Gibson to Arianna Huffington dominate what we pay attention to. When have so many been duped by so few? When the person was a leader, not a commentator. When the content of their speech was about what to do, not who to blame. When words drove progress and mobilized mending.

This is nothing but destruction by way of multimedia brainwashing.

How men fight...A woman's critique

2011-02-08T12:08:00.000-08:00

CNN Article: 5 things I hate about how men fight
Men and Women, I would love to hear your thoughts on this article. Please feel free to chime in.

I don't know how it happened...I don't remember when it happened...I'm not sure why it happened...but it needs to stop!

2011-01-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

People aren't all wonderful. Not everyone deserves love, charity and respect. It is impossible to feel good ALL the time. Unconditional LOVE doesn't come with Unconditional LIKE. And (fill in the blank) is not the new (fill in the blank).

Looking back at the last 20 years I don't know if any age of humans in history has worked so hard to tell feel good lies, promote feel good myths, and block anything that doesn't feel good for themselves and others. If you are upset or depressed, we've got a pill for that. If you don't like the way you look, we've got a pill, creams, ointments, surgical procedures and a whole host of products to make you look different. If you are overweight, we've got diets, superfoods, slimming clothes, and surgeries for that too. Can't get laid...well try Dos Equis, sweater vests, skinny jeans, Old Spice, Axe body wash, and Mentos...that'll do it.

If you can't find happiness in the inventions, placebos, and interventions that commerce and mass media provide you...then you are discounted and disconnected. People who experience genuine hurt and real pain are left to fend for themselves. Those who can't keep up in the Blowing Smoke parade, are left behind with the exhaust. We have collectively forgotten how to endure hard times, tragedy, struggle and unpleasantness in general. We have to do better, as a collective, or we will fall apart as individuals.

Be more honest with yourself. Be more honest with others. Be more genuine in your dealings and if you find that your situation is pushing you to be fake, find a new situation. Promoting everyone and everything as valuable demotes truly valuable people and events. Taking on others' definitions of happiness dulls your own.

It's time to re-think education: Ken Robinson gives us new food for thought

2011-01-13T10:31:00.000-08:00

Ken Robinson is an educator who focuses on cultivating creativity. Through TED (a phenomenal consortium that offers conferences for people who are innovating life and re-inventing the status quo), I have come across his ideas and would like to share them with you. The following are three different lectures that he gives on our current education system, it's failings, and how we can improve them. Enjoy!

Schools Kill Creativity
Bring on the Learning Revolution
Changing Learning Paradigms

What happened to Personal Responsibility?

2010-12-16T12:50:00.000-08:00

McDonald's Happy Meal Lawsuit
Sex Ed in the Age of Snooki
21 States file lawsuit against new Healthcare law

Over the past week I have read article after article speaking about how victimized, how powerless, how downtrodden, and how oppressed Americans are. It's enough to make me go to some place with loads of personal freedoms, like Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. Seriously? When did we become a nation of self-important but not self-empowered whiny cry-babies?

"I can't be held responsible for my child being obese." Really? You are the parent/guardian and the only one deciding what your child eats or does not eat. You also have primary influence on how much physical activity that child gets. I think responsibility lands squarely on your shoulders.

"Commercials for toys are making my child want to eat unhealthy fast food" Really? If you are the parent, you have the option of changing the channel, changing the programming your kids watch, or just turning the TV off. If you fail to do any of the above, or something else to thwart the manipulative advertisements (that is redundant), then the responsibility lands squarely on your shoulders. Impulse control in your child is entirely your responsibility. Controlling what your child eats and making sure they eat healthy is entirely your responsibility.

"I can't be held accountable for teaching my children about gender roles and personal self esteem because they watch Snooki."
Really? You allow a retarded person on television to hold more sway in how your child sees the world than you? You have let someone who has only gained popularity and notoriety last year become a stronger influence on your child than you? If that's the case you should be charged with criminal endangerment. You have the access, the right and the responsibility to teach your child how to view the world and people in it. It is your duty.

"It's not my fault that the contract (that I signed) raised my interest rates (which they specified) on the mortgage (which I entered into) on my house (which was never really yours and you couldn't afford)." Really? When I was growing up kids were taught to read the fine print. Interesting enough the majority of people caught up in the real estate side of the sub-prime crisis were "surprised" by details in a contract which they signed and had in their possession. Let the buyer beware. They told you that they were going to rob you, wrote it down on a piece of paper which you signed, and you want to claim it isn't your fault. If you believe that, hand me your checkbook.

"I'm being oppressed because the county that I live in won't continue to bus my kids across the county to better schools and bus those other kids into the rat hole that I live in."
Really? Now this one is particularly interesting because the individuals that are leading this fight are the same individuals who could have addressed these issues ahead of time. Anyone interested in having a better education for their children could have gotten involved in tutoring/mentoring, creating after-school programs, or just provided an educational environment in the community. I seem to remember a lot of that in lower-income neighborhoods in a number of major cities. If you don't want to do all of that, you could have picked up and moved to Cary, Morrisville, Apex, or other parts of Raleigh, like all the parents you want to condemn did. In most cases, Western Wake County is less expensive and has more resources than SE Raleigh or Garner. Don't believe me? Ask all the Hispanics and Africans that live in Cary and Apex. The houses are roughly the same as in SE and Garner, but they cost less and their kids are in neighborhoods with well-performing schools. If you are not prepared to improve the situation where you are or move your family into a better situation, then you are not being oppressed you are being lazy and childish.

I think the last one is the most telling and saddest.

"If I'm made to get healthcare insurance, I am being oppressed."
Really? Are you human? If so, your body will experience sickness. Are you an adult? If so, you have likely already survived sicknesses that your parents or guardian(s) paid for on your behalf. Just like Auto Insurance protects you and your vehicle, because we know it will breakdown eventually, Healthcare Insurance protects you and your body because we know it will breakdown eventually. Everyone dies. No one dies of good health. So your argument is that you can be forced to insure your car (if you have one, or plan to drive one), forced to insure your home (if you buy/lease a house or rent an apartment) but being forced to insure yourself (which you can't get rid of until death) is state-mandated oppression? No, insuring yourself is doing something that all the previous examples do not do. It makes you accountable for you, your health, and your eventual healthcare costs. If that doesn't sound fair to you, feel free to move to Mexico and see how long being uninsured sounds like a good idea.

When we were the kick ass and take names country, I had no problem with us being the richest, the sexiest, the most glamorous, the most powerful. We earned it! We worked multiple jobs. We started businesses and grew them to enormous sizes. We saw those who had more, got mad that they had more, and found ways to EARN what they had and more. More and more it seems like we are losing that in this country. Everything is someone else's fault. We've become fat, dumb and happy. In short, we've become soft. We don't have the luxury of arguing McDonald's Happy Meals and "I don't wanna pay for my healthcare" when we're in massive debt and at war.

Student protest @ NC State Freedom of Expression tunnel

2010-11-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Students block N.C. State's Free Expression Tunnel over slurs :: WRAL.com

I love that the students are using their rights to protest. I just wish I could agree with what they are protesting. You can't have "Free" speech and have it regulated. You can't have "Free" expression and have it limited. You can't have "Free" anything with rules or guidelines on it. If you want the "Don't offend me or us or them or anyone" Expression wall...not too many people will use it and no one would want to read what's on it. Welcome to the hardest to take freedom a diverse population can have!

Being me & consequences

2010-08-21T00:06:00.000-07:00

I have been me for 32 years now. There are positives and negatives to being me. I enthrall and piss off a lot of people. I succeed and fail a lot of the time for the same reasons. I am lovable and hate-able because I focus on what is important to me, I downplay things which are out of my realm, and I scheme and plan for everything else. I say what many believe shouldn't be said. I think what many believe shouldn't be thought. I live my life as though finding enjoyment (in any form) in the next moment is all there is...and the living of that life steps on the toes, sentiments, feelings, morees, beliefs, assumptions, and MOs of most people.

Who is left? Those who take themselves just seriously enough to be called by the same name from one night to the next. Those who accept that every plan has a 90% chance of failure due to things that you did not know you needed to control in order to make the rest of your plan work without fail. Those who live on the whims of life and are willing to glide in my draft for a time. Those who live a life with both purpose and plan which happen to coincide with me for a time. Those who, through no fault of their own, grow to love me and what I mean to their lives. Those who take themselves just serious enough, or not serious at all. The former can be a forever if our means, our desires, and our methods do not clash. The latter is a fly-by-night and can't be counted on for anything deeper than entertainment.

So who am I left with? Those who have undertaken a plan and purpose to whatever ends they desire. Will they maintain the bridge that links us? Maybe. If I will, probably. If I won't or don't, probably not. They are the focus of their lives as they are the focal point of their dreams and desires. They are the lead in their play and that's how it should be. They've got more important roles than to be a side-part in my play. Who remains? Those who are intricately tied into my plans and purpose and those who love me even when they hate me (and in time everyone will have that experience). How do I embrace those ties to those people for those purposes which will no sooner leave me than the skeleton that keeps my body in place? I don't know. I'm working on finding out but the answer is that I don't know. Where our focus and plan and purpose meet, there is a synergy that is only strained by a difference of method, experience, perspective, attitude and goal. Small things really, unless you put importance on them and then they are the whole world!

I can empathize with a person's past but that won't shake me from important truths that I have come to accept. I can learn from another person's experience and see the benefit in doing something a certain way but that won't shake me from doing what I feel is needed to achieve my/our desired result. I can come to understand the archetype that embodies the role of the role I currently occupy and know how that has come to make an influence on those I love...but that standard, or archetype, or example is not, will not and can not be me because we are not the same. Your past, your past people and your ideal are wonderful but they are not me. I will not occupy that role because they are not me. I will not take on the persona of anything or anyone that is not me. I am me and I will be genuine me for as long as I live.

Geniune me doesn't have the answers
he is still looking, and finding more questions
Genuine me doesn't have a routine
he finds newness in every aspect of his life
Genuine me strives for transient status in transient goals
but focuses on very sedentary and tangible aims
Genuine me has never met a stranger
Genuine me only bites his tongue when the consequences are greater than the pain of biting
Genuine me bends to an objective but refuses to break
Genuine me recognizes all and accepts very few.
Genuine me is me
It is not him or her or them or what was or what will be or what you want
but just is
me
as I am

At present, the consequence of honesty is unknown
the consequence of dishonesty is very well known and unacceptable
Unacceptable because I will not sully my journey for "visiting hours"
I will not shackle my persona because my free speech costs too much
I will not muzzle my tongue because there are only a few good men left
and they can't handle the truth
I am me...genuine
genuinely confused
genuinely frustrated
genuinely naive
genuinely aggressive
genuinely social
genuinely up and down
genuinely every problem and every solution I've evr found
and in it, a physical manifestation of one's dream
becomes
real.

Not Happy

2010-08-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am not happy I am angry I am frustrated I am confused I am sad I am
not happy

A million little slights and dings and setbacks and limitations sting at me
over and over
condescension
arrogance
hubris
malevolence
debasement
spite
envy
over-emotional
over-critical
over-aggressive
over-passive
over-compensated

under appreciated
under respected
under wanted
under fire under pressure under constant scrutiny under the shadow of those who do less but make mouths happy

under happy
under
a lot
of shit
that grows
at an alarming rate
an alarming rate of speed
an alarming rate of mass
an alarming rate of impact
alarming
i am the only one alarmed
i
am the only one
alarmed
that I'm not happy
i am the only one who sees
that I'm not happy

One shot to coat my soul
a soul hollowed out by memories
of memories that
never happened to me
by the anguish of a friend
by the torment of stranger-turned-friend
by the crisis of the unconcerned
by the health of a hypochondriac
by everyone's reasons excuses stories anecdotes traumas abuses
by everyone

by the drowning of my self-imposed muzzle
in the bottle of medi-sin I choose
by being so far gone that
talking over someone
walking away
laughing at ridiculousness
and telling someone to shut the hell up
armors my senses and releases some of my
burden

is it better to be the asshole drunk who's getting healthier
or the sober nice guy who dies
a little faster than others

neither the asshole drunk nor the sober nice guy were terribly happy
the sober nice guy will be less broke
the asshole drunk will be less social
the sober nice guy will live in his livingroom
the asshole drunk will live
they need to come up with a new guy
blind to the past
hopeful for the future
confident in today

they don't know how
they don't know how

How Do I Unwind

2010-05-31T16:13:00.000-07:00

You asked me how do I unwind
How do I relax
How do I shake the dirt, grime, and weight of responsibilities past, present, and future from the seams of my life
How do I breakthrough the block of frustration, anxiety, paranoia, stress and anger that clouds my mind
Now I’ll answer

I unwind by experiencing
I unwind by interacting
I unwind by doing what no one else can do
What no one else can see
What no one else can have
I experience situations, conversations, actions, reactions
I experience music and art and philosophy and humor
I experience movement in connection with everything and everyone around me
I experience the pull that everyone has on me and me pulling back on them
I live
So that I may kill
That which attempts to grow
Inside me
By shrinking the pieces of me

In my last trip I experienced
I lived a combination of events that no one has ever had
I experienced something that can’t be copied, bought or DVR’d
It is a one of a kind and it is mine for all time

It was a “she’s four nuts away from having a nice ass” kinda night
It was a “licking her stanky sore bald wet hot pussy” kinda night
It was a Jewish DJ spinning hip-hop for Asian breakdancers kinda night
It was a shot of Jack Daniels in a Dixie cup listening to a piano player play and sing “I’ve Got Friends In Low Places” kinda night
It was a peaceful walk through downtown Raleigh kinda night
It was a night for young ladies to look at me like the kind old guy at the bar and wonder why I would be interested in breakdancing kinda night
It was a watching a young ambitious 22-year old guy hit on every chick in a bar only to fuck it up every time kinda night
It was a walking and not knowing where you’re going but when you find it, it calls to you kinda night
It was a 75 up I-40 and 55 down Rt. 55 kinda night
It was a “so just how dusty is your vagina” kinda night
It was a completely wrong and just right kinda night
It was my experience
MY EXPERIENCE
It was something I’ll never have to give away and can only lose if I forget it
It was something only the persons in that place, in that time, at that apex of history can have
It won’t happen again
It did happen to me

How can you help me unwind?
Experience with me
Share your experiences with me
Create experiences in our own places, in our own times, and on those apexes we will stand having shared what only we could create
Fiction, non-fiction, fantasy, education and games are all well and good
But they are not genuine experience
And can never approach it

My drug of choice is to create with those I love and enjoy) that which no others can
And savor them
Their rich greasy floral pungent aroma
Their hand on the back with sharp nails bass in your bones and JD on the tongue massage
Their was I really there did they really say that this can’t be happening but it’s so fucking cool memento
I want to unwind and share my drug of choice, my medi-sin, my high-definition tantra with you

The clay fights back...NO MORE

2010-01-23T09:37:00.001-08:00

I am, and always have been, a lump of clay. Dense, dull, and soft. Purposeless, except by shaping. Formless, except by shaping. Useless, except by purpose and form. I have been shaped and molded by each and every person that has come into my life. They have added to me or taken from me and I have been rendered anew again and again and again. I have taken many different forms, done many different things, looked many different ways for the many different nouns in my life. I have touched and been touched, felt and been felt, mended and broken, covered and revealed both myself and those around me. I have been guide to those who asked and guided by those I have asked and now I must guide myself.

I have made choices...to love, to sire, to work, to live (better). I have guides but those guides can show me how they want me to be but not how I should be that. I guide others but those others can tell me what they want to be shown but not how to show it. I heal and hurt, touch and feel, mend and break the purposes and forms and uses that I once had to mold and be molded into the choices that I have made. To do that I must move beyond what I have been. To do that I must move beyond the roles that I have allowed myself to be placed in. To do that I must move beyond the forms that I have allowed myself to take. To do that I must shake, shape or sever relationships that I have fostered. To do that I must cut away that which will neither fit nor fold.

I have to tell you, it hurts. It is one thing to be shaped by others and say that's how it is supposed to be because you are not responsible for the pain. It is one thing to be painted with another's brush because you are not responsible for the colors. It is one thing to be used by and use others by their instruction because you are not responsible for the outcome. It is completely another to not be. It is completely another to be responsible. Why? Because I'm hurting myself.

I'm taking away lust to make room for love. No more sudden bouts of heat followed by intense desire culminated with fiery passion with someone I know nothing about. Now I know the good the bad and the ugly and love on. I force myself to let go of or forget the annoyances, slights, and injuries to leave a clear path for my love to get to you.

I've never let go of annoyances, slights and injuries. They've been my guideposts for telling me who to care for and who to spend time with. I've taken those signs down but I must remove the guideposts and IT HURTS.

I'm taking away ambition for contentment. No more trampling over people's ideas because I have better and I can claim the adulation and the reward for myself. Now I am part of a team and those other people's ideas are a part of my team, which I have to support anyway. I bite my tongue over petty grievances to keep the peace. I move away to make a way, when I have to. I try hard not to dominate conversations and let other people's ideas come through. I try to listen more than I talk.

I've never held my tongue or avoided confrontation with anyone. A sharp tongue and a confrontational manner are two of the main tools that have gotten me to where I am professionally. I am biting my tongue and walking away until they become habit and IT HURTS.

I'm taking away interrogation for passive conversation. No more firing questions at people from all angles to get to the answers I want. No more badgering people with statements that twist or contradict their position faster than they can process. Now I'm learning to take a passive approach and let people come to me, if they come to me, with their position.

I've never been anything less than aggressive about my curiosities and people have always been my greatest curiosity. I want to know. I want to know now. I want to impress upon you what I know. I want to know you and I want to be right and I want it right now. I am trying to learn patience and back off and IT HURTS.

I'm taking away indulgence for moderation. No more sating my lusts for booze, smoke, food, buying luxuries and travel at any time, in any way, whenever I want. No more drinking until I black out. No more pack a day smoking. No more eating greasy, fatty, rich, decadent food from all manner of restaurant 4-6 days a week. No more buying the newest music, game, clothes, gadget just because it's cool and I want it. No more picking up and traveling to a new place on a moment's notice just because I'm tired of being where I am. I'm learning to moderate these addictions in order to live in better health, with more wealth, and in this place.

I've never denied myself anything. I spent way too long doing without, living without, being without that I deserve the luxury and leisure that I can now afford. I deserve Fettuccine Alfredo with Bacon sipping Chardonnay while smoking a menthol in different cities, with different people for having made it this far. I know that my health and wealth are intricately tied to my indulgences and I can't maintain either for long at the levels I have indulged. I live with but constantly deny my indulgences and IT HURTS.

I grow tired of hurting myself. I grow weary of even trying anymore. I shape myself and one person says it's too much while another says it's not enough. I mold myself and it's too quick for some and too slow for others. I transform myself through trimming, molding, spinning, firing, painting, and re-firing and I'm not done yet. But still, I just want to cool off. The choices that I have made are due to the things that I want. We want the same things...what I was along with what I will be. What I will be...will be. It's not what I am now. I am clay fighting my shaping. I am clay shaping myself. I am clay being shaped. I am in pain. I am in transition. I'm done fighting it.

30 Things Men Wish Women Knew

2009-08-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

This is a response post to an article that was posted in Men's Health magazine, written by their correspondent of "all things female", Lisa Jones. The original article is insightful, useful, and full of material that is certainly not obvious to men. As a result, I would like to write a counterpart to that article about things that men wish women knew. I'm going to include a section at the end that are particular to married men and their wives.

1. Taking your clothes off, or stripping, is one of the sexiest things you do. Please don't rush through it as though it were nothing. If we're in that much of a hurry, we'll claw your clothes off of you.

2. Hanging out with the fellas helps to recharge my batteries, detox my life and is necessary to keep me sane.

3. Sports are not an obsession. They are a connection to my youthful, most energetic, and probably most happy times in my life.

4. Running errands is not a problem and I'll do my best with the details. If you want the Diet, Decaf, Mocha, Whole-Wheat, Low-Sodium, Low-Fat, Antioxidant, Organic, Gluten-Free, Ribbed for Her Pleasure, No Split-Ends, Flexi-Waist thingamabob that comes in the 16 oz. Sky Blue bottle with the Salon Pump, go get it yourself.

5. When I ask you "How was your day?", I’m not inviting you to tell me about everyone else's day, yesterday, tomorrow, and life history on the way to telling us about you...I can't process that much information at once.

6. When you ask me "How was your day?" and I say "It was OK", leave it at that.

7. Don't EVER go through my personal things (wallet, phone, email, voicemail, car) trying to find out what I've been doing or to catch me in a lie. Actions like that are quick to remind us of a nosy parent (usually mother) and it is one of the most unattractive things you can do.

8. Have more confidence in why we're together. I know you like hearing that you're attractive, sexy, smart, powerful...but if you ‘force’ me say it too many times, it becomes a lie.

9. You ALWAYS look better in a skirt.

10. I love it when you hang out with your girlfriends, please do it more often.

11. Don't dress lights-out sexy when you go out with your girlfriends if you won't dress that way for me...it shows that your priorities have gone somewhere else.

12. Feel free to dress lights-out sexy on almost every occasion when we're together...it is definitely appreciated.

13. All the things we used to do for fun before we got together (going to the bar, catching a game, fishing, video games, carpentry, etc.) are still fun. If you don't really like them anymore, find something else to do while I do them... See #10.

14. I don't want to go to Pottery Barn, Bed Bath & Beyond, the jewelry store, the beauty salon, the nail salon, or to see the Sex In The City movie...pretty much EVER.

15. I’m not your ex-boyfriend and the fact that we look alike, talk alike, sound alike, dress alike, drive a similar car, and/or socialize in similar circles STILL doesn’t make me him. If you’re not over him, get over him because I’m never going to be him.

16. Seeing you wearing one of my button-down shirts with a pair of heels on and nothing else is one of the sexiest things.

17. I am attracted to all the things you did to hook me when we first started dating. I would greatly appreciate it if you would continue those things.

18. Baggy clothes are fine for nights curled up on the couch, but they should not be a regular staple of your wardrobe...you've got a beautiful body in there (no matter how you feel), don't hide it.

19. Please close the bathroom door when you’re on the toilet…that’s never something I want to see.

20. I own 5 pairs of pants, 10 pairs of jeans, 10 pairs of shorts, 10 button down shirts, 45 t-shirts, and 5 pairs of shoes…please don’t ask me to critique whether this blouse goes with this skirt, shoes, earrings, lipstick, eyeliner, stockings, purse, and jacket…see #10.

Married Men to their Wives
21. If I'm not giving you enough sex, it's because:

A) I'm temporarily not attracted to you
B) I'm pissed at you, resulting in A
C) You have made dramatic changes to something I liked, resulting in A
D) My life is out of control and I don’t feel that I’m getting any support or help from you

22. A good steak dinner, some supportive comfort, a back rub and some “quality” time will smooth over most things.

23. Before you get it into your head to swap the greasy, fatty, starchy, salty, sugary food that I love for something low-fat, low-sodium, whole wheat, or organic STOP. I love that food the way I love you, just the way it is. You can suggest to me a change, but do not attempt to force it. See #21.

24. I sometimes look at my wedding band and ask myself, “How did I get myself into this?”

25. About 30 seconds later I’m thinking about you and smiling to myself.

26. Nakedness is like Ice Cream...when it is a once-in-a-while treat it is delicious and wonderful, when it is all the time with no occasion or fanfare, it loses its flavor.

27. The words “I’m ovulating” are absolutely the least sexy words that can come out of your mouth. I spent years dating and celebrating that my woman was not pregnant. Even if we’re trying to make a baby, keep the timing and details of that occasion to yourself.

28. If you feel as though you must change some aspect of yourself (hair, wardrobe, diet, job, piercings, tattoos) please bring it up to me and let me know that it’s important to you. I may not like it, but I can take it a whole lot better than if you surprise me with it.

29. Your memory is way too good to be selective. If you can remember what grocery store has a sale on corn, what song was playing when we first kissed, the birthdays of your family, my family and all of your girlfriends then I know you can remember to pull your hair out of the tub drain, don’t use my razors to shave your legs, and take the car to the mechanic.

30. I am imperfect, you correct my imperfections…that makes you perfect to me.

Living on Borrowed Time (Part 2 of 3)

2009-05-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

PREFACE:
This topic is going to be offensive to some people. It presents life from a Darwinist view and portrays life as an investment and the living as resources, as opposed to the laughing and loving souls that we can be. This post will remove the romantic, the religious, and the superstitious notions about life and add in the bio-economy of politics, economics, and sociology.

BODY:
Job turnover, retirement planning, geriatric medicine, political policy, economic policy, advertising, driving laws, handicap-awareness, and a whole slew of other things greatly depend on how long people will live and what their condition will be in their later years. The larger the population living into seniority, particularly advanced seniority, the greater a societal shift is required to accommodate the population shift.

Take a look at all the stories about the Baby Boomer generation (those born at or soon after the end of World War II – 1946-1955). This generation has proven to be one of the most domestically-influential generations this country has ever seen. They played both parts in the Civil Rights movement, Women’s Rights movement, Gay Rights movement and were the majority of the leadership and fighting force through the Cold War. They watched the first lunar landing, they fought the Vietnam War (leading in and protesting against), and they revolutionized so many activities, industries, and sciences that life in this country will never again be like it was. They made life both simpler and more complex, but they made it change. They are about to make it change again.

This generation of Americans represents the largest and most prolific generation of seniors that this country has ever seen. As a result there are a lot of accommodations that are coming to fruition that haven’t existed previous. Retirement communities, assisted living, new geriatric medications, geriatric physicians and surgical/medical procedures for geriatric conditions are becoming full-fledged industries but not quick enough to match the need. Senior-specific tourism, senior-emphasized shopping venues and senior-influenced products come to fruition, but not quick enough to match the need. Adults find themselves looking after their young children and their aging parents for long periods of time. Retirement pensions don’t last as long as the person’s life. People are outliving their siblings, spouses, and their children. These people are very much alone in their later years, with no one left to take care of them…well, not really.

Historically, older people have been taken care of by their descendents, their friends and their community. Unfortunately, societal changes (many of which became the standard after the Baby Boomer generation) have made it so that people live apart from the bulk of their family far more often than they used to. In addition to the separation of family, people tend to move to different towns, cities, states and countries far more often than we used to, both as a country and as a human race. Lastly, the longer one lives the less likely they will have a full compliment, or even a reduced compliment of people that have known them a long while. So at the same time that a person’s life requires more relevant and familiar attention from others, there are fewer relevant and familiar people available.

This is where a combination of political changes and societal changes has turned a big impact into a huge one. First, let’s look at the political changes. In 1935, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed into law the Social Security Act as a part of his “New Deal” program. This program was intended to be a social insurance tax program that would provide retirement benefits to working Americans. Along with the creation of Social Security, that act also created welfare. In Title 3 (Unemployment Compensation) and Title 4 (Aid to Families with Dependent Children - AFDC), the Social Security Act laid the foundation for the American welfare system. Though Social Security was considered a remarkable new step in social insurance, the provisions at that time were such that most women and minorities were excluded from unemployment insurance and old age pensions.

There were a couple of key pieces to how this legislation operates.
1. The payroll taxes were automatic and static (due to the newly created FICA), while the payouts were not.
2. Unemployment and AFDC taxes would never be refunded if not used.
3. The surplus was put into a trust that is made available to congress for other purposes.
4. The retirement age was set to 65.

In 1935, the average life expectancy of white males was 61 years. The writing of the age requirement was such that it bet against recipients living to or much past the age of 65. Given the folks (mostly white men) that would be taxed and never use the unemployment provisions in life and/or die before reaching the qualifying retirement age it would keep the coffers full. Provisions to include working women and minorities came through amendments in the 1950s.

Though Social Security was amended a number of times over the years to follow the most substantial change came when President Lyndon B. Johnson wrote the Social Security Act of 1965. This amendment was part of President Johnson’s “Great Society.”*

*Notice this evolves every time some president has a catch phrase change program…keep an eye out for the next one

In this new act Medicare and Medicaid were first introduced. Medicaid was created as a social health insurance plan for the exceptionally poor. Medicare was created as a social health insurance plan for the elderly (which was determined by the same qualifying age as Social Security – 65). It is worth noting that the average life expectancy in 1965 had risen to 70.2 years (male LE was 66.8 years). The life expectancy for men (then the majority money-earners in the workforce) still was close enough to 65 that it was figured a safe gamble from a financial perspective.
It was the assumptions of the past that made for the predicaments of the present.

What these bills never accounted for were the social changes, the ebbs and flows of American life from the late 1960s to now:
• There were downturns to the economy,
• Minorities joined the establishment workplace in substantial numbers,
• Women joined the establishment workplace in substantial numbers,
• The costs and after effects of the Vietnam War,
• Sustained periods where the US was not fully engaged in war (Afghanistan conflict ended 1989 to Afghanistan invasion begins in 2001…how’s that for irony)
• The substantial increases to available healthcare.

As societal changes pressed on the provisions of the Social Security, Unemployment, Medicaid, and Medicare the social insurances went into default. Every president since Jimmy Carter has faced the challenge of keeping the Social Security coffers full. Even in the periods of surplus that followed, we’ve never fully met that challenge.

So now the country faces the challenge of meeting the disbursement demands of the largest retiring generation since the inception of Social Security. They are healthier than any generation before, can expect to live longer than any generation before, made (and paid to Social Security) more money than any generation before, and will require larger payouts (per person and as a group) than any generation before. To make matters even more strained, we are in the throes of a financial recession the likes of which we haven’t seen since the Great Depression, we are substantially in debt as a country, and healthcare costs skyrocket at a pace few can keep up with.

So the retirees and government have only themselves to blame, right? Well not really.

So the new challenges and opportunities of a larger senior-class will be addressed before they become a problem, right? Well not really.

There will be a happy ending to this situation, right? Well that depends, on what we do from here on.

Living on Borrowed Time (Part 1 of 3)

2009-05-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

PREFACE:
This topic is going to be offensive to some people. It presents life from a Darwinist view and portrays life as an investment and the living as resources, as opposed to the laughing and loving souls that we can be. This post will remove the romantic, the religious, and the superstitious notions about life and add in the bio-economy of politics, economics, and sociology.

BODY:
Many of us are familiar with the phrase "living on borrowed time." If you were to live on borrowed time, who would you borrow it from? My real question is who are the people who actually LIVE ON BORROWED TIME, borrowing it from?

First, let me explain what I mean by living on borrowed time. Biological and actuarial science comes up with life expectancies. The life expectancies take into account the average life-span of your parents' generation, the expected life-span of your generation, major life events (wars, plagues, and locusts), your genetic health history, your ethnic/racial health norms, and a whole lot of other factors to come up with a life expectancy.

The current life expectancy for babies born in the past year is 78.11 years. I put that last section in bold for a reason. That life expectancy figure isn't the life expectancy for the rest of us. We had different health conditions, different social conditions, different environmental conditions, and different life expectancies. To prove it, my general life expectancy (based on my country of origin, year of birth, and race) is 63.7 years. The life expectancy of males of all races was 69.6 years and for both genders, all races was 73.5 years. I personally think that since I've lived through the times of gang wars, uncontrolled AIDS, Cold War, Persian Gulf Wars I and II, and O.J. Simpson that I'll last longer than my life expectancy, but we'll see.

(If you wish to verify my information, it came from the Center for Disease Control - National Vital Statistics Report: Volume 56, Number 9. It's the most current I could find through their website)

My life expectancy is just under 14.5 years less than the all babies born this year. Say what you will, but 14.5 years is a long time, particularly when you factor that it's 14.5 years added to the end of life. That being said, if I take steps to improve my overall health, reduce the likelihood of contracting diseases that I'm genetically predisposed to, and reduce the negative health impacting habits that I currently have...it's not out of the question for me to live until I'm 78 years old. The difference is that by living that life I would be LIVING ON BORROWED TIME...14.3 years of borrowed time, to be exact.

Allow me to explain what I mean by that because it's not as simple as saying I've lived past my life expectancy. To live that long means that provisions must be made, both by me and by the greater society/government for me to continue existing that long (lodging, food, transportation, healthcare, and finances). As new generations and new life expectancies come, the world adjusts itself to accommodate for how long people will live.

According to the Social Security Administration (SSA) and the American Association for Retired Persons (AARP), the current established retirement age is 65 years old. According to the SSA, I won't be fully vested for retirement until I'm 67 years old. I don't relish 36 more years of working but c'est la vie. Ok, so we know how old qualifies for retirement but what was the life expectancy of those who are currently at or approaching retirement age? Well for those who were born 65 years ago (1944), the average life expectancy across all races and genders was...65.2 years*. There was an expectation that the average person born in 1944 would either be dead or soon to die around this time. Do you believe that to be the case?

Me neither.

* There is a variation in that figure of 65.2 years (from 68.4 years for White Women to 55.8 years for Black Men). For a number of reasons that I will not go into here, these two ethnic-gender classes consistently represent the high and low of life expectancy ranges for all ethnic-gender classes, across all known years in this country.

In fact, the survivorship rates (% of people alive per 100,000 people born) of people born in 1944 is 83%. That means while the "experts" believed the survivorship rate to be around 50% now with a rapid decline, they WAY underestimated things. Nearly 7 out of every 8 people born in 1944 are still alive and kicking. Oh, and they're not likely to pass on too soon.

Take a look at the life expectancy (LE) vs. survivorship (S) figures for people aged 70 (63.7 years LE, 76.2% S). That means that 76.2% of people born in 1939 are living on 6.3 years borrowed time and still counting. Take a look at 75 (61.1 years LE, 66.6% S) and 80 (57.1 years LE, 53.9% S). By those figures it means that 2/3 of 75 year olds are living on 13.9 years of borrowed time and just over half of 80 year olds are living on 22.9 years of borrowed time.

Now why is that? There are a number of things that account for the growing survivorship rates that we're seeing...better health quality of food/drink, better quality of environment, better medications, curing diseases that were previously terminal, new medications that prolong life in the face of terminal illness, welfare reform, etc. We have taken steps in the past 65 years, and going much further back than that, to prolong life and improve the quality of life lived. We drink less, smoke less, use protective equipment, use less manually-operated heavy machinery, work less directly with dangerous substances, and take better care of ourselves.

Yay us, right? We’re beating the system and God bless everyone who’s still with us. In the next part of this, you will come to find out why they call this time borrowed.

Beer tax on tap for health care?

2009-05-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

You can read the article here: Beer tax on tap for health care?

Tell me, my drinking brethren...what do you think of the latest attempt at a SIN tax?

Over-Liberalizing Evolution & Other things we teach our adults

2009-04-01T13:26:00.001-07:00

March of the Penguins commentary by Michel Martin (NPR)
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=100135891

"...Can I just tell you? What's troubling about it, if indeed a kiddie movie about penguins can be said to be troubling, is the suggestion that the penguins weren't saved from starvation and extinction because they had intrinsic worth — in other words, they weren't saved because they deserve to be saved because they happen to exist — but rather, they deserved to be saved because they were entertaining."

Here comes the intrinsic worth discussion...We don't strive by saving everyone. We don't grow by saving everyone. We grow stagnant when we save everyone. Say what you want about the world we live in...inequality, squalor, greed, corruption, poverty, disease and famine...but I would still take this over a Brave New World-esque life.

Our greats come from our worst. Our newest inventions, businesses, arts, literature, media, philosophers and athletes come from those who don't have enough access to be inundated with the stupifying/pacifying media that the rest of us subject ourselves to. We are not so fragile, so disenfranchised, so without that we cannot get ahead...we get ahead because we want to overcome those things.

To the Ladies...

2009-03-28T13:48:00.001-07:00

Don't assume that guys won't care where you are, because we do.

If you are at the mall, at work, with your mom, or buying shoes we care...not a whole lot but we care.
If you are on your knees, on your back, on the kitchen counter with whipped cream and garters on we care...oh man, do we care.

Or...

If you are on your knees, on your back, or on the hood of some other dude's car, you better believe we care!

Also, don't talk about your ex-boyfriends.

They obviously didn't cut it, didn't treat you right, couldn't keep it up, couldn't keep it in their pants, or couldn't stay out of your underwear drawer long enough to keep you...so why talk about those losers.

If you feel the need to talk about them, the best way to approach the topic is with my dick in your mouth, then talk away...remember, no teeth.

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

Just have the decency to introduce them to us...nothing drives a man crazier than hearing about (or worse, seeing) his woman flirting with another dude that's been hidden from him.

If you feel you absolutely must ride that pony into the sunset, at least have the compassion to get his girlfriend or wife to join us. Don't hog all the fun for yourself, share! (My kindergarten teacher was a prophet!).

Also, when we tell you you're pretty / beautiful / gorgeous / cute / stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't assume we're saying it just to appease you or because we just want to get laid. We don't always say it even though we ALWAYS want to get laid. Out of all the women on this planet we chose your pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, cute, stunning ass to be with at this moment in time, so know that we mean it.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open

If we're doing that it shows that we were raised by parents who taught us to treat people, in general, and women, in particular, with courtesy, respect, and character. That and with yall making more money, our gender role being squandered like a rich kid's trust fund and all this metrosexual crap going on these days, it's one of the few ways a real man can still be a man (thank God football and titty bars haven't been made illegal yet).

Kiss us when no one's watching.

We don't really go for the typical PDA. It, like the fancy towels, plates, throw rugs, and make-up, is more for show than anything else.
Now if you are inclined for Pubic Displays of Affection, we will be delighted to find the nearest alcove, car, movie theater, or bathroom to suit your needs. Like I already mentioned, we're not in it for the show, so let's go!

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

While we do like it when you do, we aren't staying with you for your mini-skirt, awesome hair, or the way you put 10-lbs. of makeup on so that it looks like you aren't wearing any. We know you are the finest piece of tail that God put on this Earth and, in typical guy fashion, we could care less about the wrapping paper, we want the present.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

We aren't with you just because you are a dancer, nurse, teacher, submissive, bi-sexual, orally-fixated, heavily-pierced, nympho (but if you are, my number of 919-555-1212)...we are with you because you are you, in all it's splendor: racing emotions, heavily detailed stories about everyday events, indecisive, wanting attention (even during the game), need to talk about our relationship, biological clock, and all.
If you fit the first set of characteristics, remember my number is 919-555-1212.

Don't take everything we say seriously.

We're joking when we say things like "Do you think your sister would be into joining us?", "Your best friend is a MILF", "Why don't we ask her to come back to our hotel?", and "This is why my last gf/wife got that restraining order."...unless you're into that sort of thing. Hey, we're just trying to make light of the situation and really, if you wanted sensitive, compassionate, empathic dialogue you'd be dating your girlfriends (just let us bring the camera...see, just kidding...unless you're into that sort of thing).

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

If these people already knew "10 Secrets to Please Your Man", "How to Lose 20 lbs. in 2 weeks", "Making the Most Fulfilled You", and "Explosive Nights with Black Lights", they'd already be pole dancing at Catch Her In The Rear. The people who write those articles spend as much time as you do trying to figure those things out when the answer is right in front of them...

Be Yourself
Love Yourself
Love Others
Don't Others Impressions of You Determine Your Impression of Yourself
and
What's Behind You and Facing You is Not as Important as What's In You!

You know we love you, so let us in you. We'd like to be more important than a 100-page glossy tabloid.

IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY, DISCRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT

We know, we know, we know that you want a bad boy.
We know, we know, we know that you want a thug.
We know, we know, we know that you want a player.

We also know that you want someone who will treat you right, take care of you, and do right by you. On behalf of all men, I want to let you women know one thing...every man has bad boy, thug, and player in them. The ones you go after don't have much else in them. Find a good man who genuinely cares about you, your well-being, your feelings, and your needs and nurture the bad boy, thug, and player out of him. Hell, if you can get a guy to wash his ass, pick up his clothes, and take out the trash...bring out a good man's inner bad boy is a cinch! Then you get the best of both worlds.

A Letter to BBWs

2009-03-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

Ladies,

As a man who appreciates BBW's I would like to send this out to you. This is on behalf of myself but I'd be willing to bet other BBW lovers can/will echo my sentiments.

The phrase Big, Beautiful Woman was written that way to describe you for a reason because you are Big AND Beautiful...not big despite being beautiful, not beautiful because you are big...that don't work. Not all beautiful women are big and not all big women are beautiful. For those of you who are, thank you for being that.

So, now that I've identified who I'm talking about I would like to make some statements to you...

1. When you've got a man who will go down on you, help him out. If I've got to focus on keeping (let's just call it skin) out the way of your pussy, I'm not fully focused on getting you hot. That's a damn shame for both of us. So help a brotha out by lifting it up so I can get down while I'm going down.

2. You sweat. I'll say it again, you sweat. I sweat. We all sweat. You and I just happen to do it more when we have sex because (if we're doing it right) it's hot stuff. Don't use the fear of sweating as an excuse not to get into it. I'm more put off by a woman who ain't getting into the sex than a woman who sweats alot.

3. KY is not your enemy. Your big and beautiful self has more (let's just call it skin) around your pussy than other women. Because of this, while your pussy may be sopping wet, that don't necessarily translate to the outside. This creates some friction problems that ain't all good (particularly with a condom on). So if I, or any other man, pulls out some lube don't get pissed. We're just trying to make it right for us to do the damned thing.

4. Even if you ain't exercising regularly...stretch. Stretch early and stretch often. Ain't nothing good when I'm with you and you can't do no other position than doggystyle because your legs won't stretch no other way. I like to change it up a bit but you got to work with me.

That's all I have to say. Continue to be your big and beautiful self and I'll keep loving you. If you do (or are already doing) the things I mention here...hit me up.

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

2009-03-28T13:25:00.000-07:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better, but don't expect him to wait forever.

Never live your life for a man.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then hell no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up!

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or he's in a better job.

Do not make him into a Quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more ..... nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you...a relationship consists of two whole individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary..

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are and you're always readily available to him, he'll takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you what you need.

Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT

IF A WOMAN WANTS YOU...

2009-03-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

If a woman wants you, nothing can keep her away (not threats, not police, not even a court order)

If she doesn't want you, nothing can make her stay (not threats, not guilt, not even violence)

Stop making excuses for a woman and her behavior. Even when hormonal she is just as accountable for her actions as you are for yours.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Some women can help you grow, some can help you heal, but if you are the only one being made to change you are neither growing nor healing, you are being molded.

Slower is better, but don't expect her to wait forever.

If a relationship ends because the woman took you for granted or treated you like shit, then hell no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you aren't getting what you want now, you're not going to get it later.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid women who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different men.She didn't learn from any of the previous experience, why would she wise up now? Support and provide for another man's kids and guess what, you still won't be their father. You could be tied in her pen of men with all the other baby daddies…doesn't that sound like fun?

Always have your own set of friends separate from hers.

Maintain boundaries in how a woman treats you. You are not a child or a dog or some lesser being.

If something bothers you, speak up!

Never share everything with a woman, she will use it against you later. Still, don't lie, that she will use that against you forever.

You cannot change a woman's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make her feel she is more important than you are...even if she has more education or he's in a better job. Do not make her into a Quasi-god. She is a woman, nothing more...nothing less.

Never let a woman define who you are or tell you what you should be.

Never borrow someone else's woman.

If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you.

If she cheats it's not the other man's fault, it's yours (hers and yours). You tried to keep her when she didn't want to stay (women will always give you signs before then, if you'll just listen). She wasn't forthright enough to end it before going on to another man.

If you cheat, it's the same scenario. Your woman may not see it that way, but it is.

A woman will only treat you the way you allow her to treat you.

Foreplay is not dirty. Sex is not dirty. Kink is not dirty. Fetish is not dirty. Nothing is dirty if you share it in love.

All men are NOT dogs. It's not something you owe your DNA to act like one.

You need time to heal between relationships. Baggage is both sad and damaging. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you...a relationship consists of two whole individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if she doesn't turn out to be Ms. Right. Still, don't confuse Ms. Right-Now for Ms. Right.

Make her miss you sometimes. When a woman always knows where you are and you're always readily available to her, she'll take it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a woman who doesn't give you what you need.Keep her in your radar, but get to know others.

Don't let any woman cut you off from all others, that's a trap.

Share this with other dudes..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink his choices, and another man prepare.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN, SO TAKE A HINT.

Are You This Woman?

2008-11-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

I want a woman who will give me time and space when I get home to shake off my day so I can be there, with her, together

I want a woman who can watch the game with me, go hiking with me, and go out for drinks with me

I want a woman who takes care of her body, her job, and her home but isn't afraid or too proud to ask for my help if she should need it

I want a woman who has pushed herself to become educated in her chosen endeavors, but has interests outside of that

I want a woman who can speak her mind, tell me straight, and discuss what goes on within and between us

I want a woman who can handle me grabbing her ass in public

I need a woman who has a healthy sexual appetite and a good sense of adventure (with reason and decorum)
I need a woman who can handle a man being a man without taking offense
I need a woman who can accept me as I am and support me (not financially) as I continue to grow
I need a woman who will grow with me and not expect me to stay the same all the time
I need a woman who recognizes that we are equals but we're not the same

I need a woman who has and will maintain a life of her own as I have and will maintain my own

I need a woman who can let me into her world as I open mine

If you are this woman, get in touch with me.

Fanaticism and Arrogance

2008-09-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

If there's anything that an election year brings out in Americans, it's fanaticism. REPUBLICAN! DEMOCRAT! CONSERVATIVE! LIBERAL! BLACK! WHITE! HISPANIC! MALE! FEMALE! HETEROSEXUAL! HOMOSEXUAL! UPPER CLASS! MIDDLE CLASS! LOWER CLASS! PUBLIC EDUCATION! SCHOOL VOUCHERS! ROE! WADE! FREE TRADE! IMMIGRATION! DRILL FOR OIL! NUKE THE ARABS! SAVE THE PLANET! SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY! SAVE OUR JOBS! EQUAL WAGES FOR WOMEN! SAVE OUR BOTTOM LINE!

It's pretty comical to listen to how vehemently people talk about whatever their number one issue is. "If you don't believe how I believe then you are bigoted, stupid, a sinner, a bible-thumper and a drain on this country."

It truly seems like everyone is of the opinion that the world believes, or at least should believe, as they do and having a different opinion/belief is the mark of mental retardation. When did we all become so self-focused that we forgot the core attribute of free speech...differing opinions? Now please don't think I believe we've EVER had free speech, but it seems that we're now using arguments for free speech to denounce the free speech of others...it's like "Who's On First" on crack. People are free to agree with me or disagree, love me or hate me, want me in their life, neighborhood, school, company, church or want me out of it. Those are freedoms we all have and when we accept that everyone has those freedoms, the shit hits the fan.

"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours...Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the 'land of the free.'"
- Michael Douglas playing President Andrew Shepherd in The American President (1995)

Now here is the really hard part of free speech. The same people that make your blood boil and you believe to be ignorant, blind, or retarded ARE YOUR EQUALS. They are humans, Americans, and citizens entitled to all the same rights that you have and cherish. If you can listen to Insane Clown Posse, they can listen to Kenny Chesney. If you can worship at your local church, they can belong to an online Satanic cult. If you can televise Skateboarding, And-1 basketball, and Frisbee Golf, then they can televise log-rolling, tractor pulls, and rodeo bull-riding. If you can believe in a monogamous, missionary-only sex life, they can be promiscuous swingers who engage in everything from urination to furries. And yet again, these people ARE YOUR EQUALS. They are entitled to every right that you have. Doesn't that just sound like a simple, liberal, moral, and high character way to live and govern?

Where we run into problems is elections...we have two dominant political parties that are trying to take sides that represent a paradigm on every public policy issue. What makes matters worse is because there are only two parties, they feel the need to take opposing sides on most everything. In truth, while there are multiple ways to address most issues, the method that best serves as progressive and diverse a country as ours requires more positions than the two dominant ones that rule our politics. Folks, we need to do better about making sure our positions are represented. If anything, I suggest we become more fanatical...but we also have to become less arrogant...our strengths are not our self-interests, they're in all of our interests.

Wouldn't It Be Nice...

2008-09-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

I hate to preface blog posts but I feel I have to for this one. This was sent to me by my uncle and is intended for all Black Americans, no matter who you choose to vote for. I have yet to decide who I will vote for, but I agree with the statements contained herein.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a Black first lady and two young, intelligent, well-behaved Black girls in the White House?

Wouldn't it be nice to see those young girls grow up to be decent young ladies?

Think about it, how many other candidates (in either party) have school aged children?

Wouldn't it be nice to see some inner city kids playing on the White House lawn during the Easter Egg Roll?

Wouldn't it be nice to see a high ranking Black person finally at the table, but not just at the table -at the HEAD of the table?

Wouldn't it be nice to see a Black family bring multicultural traditions to the White House?

Wouldn't it be nice to see a Black woman on HGTV or any other show giving a tour of the White House during the holidays - showing the decorations on the Christmas trees and explaining the meaning behind her holiday theme?

Wouldn't it be nice to see a photo of young Black children in the Oval Office for Take Your Child to Work Day?

Wouldn't it be nice and ironic to have a Black person create and own a Presidential library, especially when most people like to say that Black people don't read?

Wouldn't you be curious to go to DC for a change and actually consider taking a White House tour?

Wouldn't it be nice to see more Black people all across the country do the same?

Wouldn't you be proud to hear them play Here Comes 'The Chief' for a Black person for a change?

Wouldn't it be nice to see the Armed Forces salute a Black Commander-in-Chief?

Wouldn't it be nice to see someone who looks like us taking the oath of office on the White House steps, giving a State of the Union Address, giving weekly radio addresses, & signing things into law with the Presidential pen?

Maybe it's just me that I've never dreamt for anything this big but isn't it nice to know that someone else has?

Wouldn't it feel good to make that Dream come true?

What if it were you or your family, wouldn't it be nice to know that someone would vote for you if they had the Opportunity ?

Some people ask the question 'why?' - I'm saying why not?

The world is looking at Black people, wondering if what we will do when we're presented an opportunity of a lifetime. They'll wondering whether we are really ready for our situation to change, even a little bit?

Together we are making history. This is the America I want to live in.

This is what our families should be like, and can be like.

Josh Howard: Privacy Pinched

2008-09-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do something that I normally wouldn't do...defend a professional athlete. In most cases I consider professional athletes to be overpaid children. They are superstars in the world of their game, made more important than they are, and idolized by far too many for being good at a game you can find 8-year-olds playing all around the world. No life has ever been saved by a slam dunk, a home run, a hail mary pass, or a slapshot. Wars and disease don't end over all-star games. I'd still rather see Nobel Prize winners celebrated than sports Hall of Famers. Still, despite being pampered, idolized, overpaid children...they are humans. If they grew up here, or naturalized themselves, they are US citizens as well. In our country's Ten Commandments, there is one that grants us all FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

In case you haven't heard about this yet, I'll give you the scenario. Josh Howard, a power forward for the NBA's Dallas Mavericks, was participating in a charity football game put together by Allen Iverson, shooting guard for the NBA's Denver Nuggets. Someone was on the field with a cell phone making a video of talking with participants during the singing of the national anthem and ran into Josh Howard. Josh then goes into the following:

"'The Star-Spangled Banner' is going on. I don't celebrate this shit. I'm black."

He later mentions Obama '08 but his voice fades out before we can hear any more. From there the cell phone goes back to other players and then ends. All in all this is a harmless moment, until this cell phone video makes it on to YouTube.com. Apparently this video gained popularity or recognition quickly because it became a story on ESPN and a number of other news outlets. It became something that the NBA, the Dallas Mavericks, and Josh Howard have to answer for. Apparently all the playoff chases, NASCAR chase, NFL injuries, Ryder Cup, College Football, and NHL pre-season was not enough for the media because they decided to make this 4-second clip of a cell-phone video that only became public because someone put it on YouTube a story.

Now please don't misunderstand me. I do not want to make Josh Howard out to be a victim or circumstance. If his agent, coaches, college coaches, and family didn't already tell him, he should know that in today's society, you can't do or say anything without it finding it's way into the media. Beyond this incident, there have been several incidents in the past couple months that demonstrate that he is not the most Public Relations friendly guy and he either doesn't believe in or doesn't grasp the concept of lying/omission as self-preservation. So beyond his having said what he said, it became a juicier story because he was already known as someone who would pop off at the mouth.

Still, here's where I have a problem with the whole thing. What was videotaped was a private conversation at a public event. What was quoted lasted all of 11 seconds. What was implied and extrapolated was a big ol' shitstorm.

Personally, I think this should fall into the category of publishing a picture without the object's consent, plagiarizing material, or taping a phone conversation without a person's knowledge. It would be one thing to tape the encounter and tell someone about it, but it's altogether different to provide a video of it without the person's consent. I realize that we've come to accept the pushy, garish manners of paparazzi and media but it doesn't mean that every one, every where, and any time should be fair game. You can say that his being an NBA player, and an all-star too changes the situation but I disagree. The incident happened during the off-season at a non-NBA function on the site of a charity event. If it was not substantial enough for the media (local to that event) to catch, it should not be a national media event and a point of scrutiny against him. You're welcome to argue the point but if you can ok it for him it is only fair to ok it about yourself.

How would you feel if a video of you talking badly/jokingly about (a family member, friend, coworker, acquaintance, nationality, race, religion, gender, etc.) was made public and available to everyone so they could judge you? Chances are your comments would have been made privately and were meant to be kept private. In this case, as in Josh Howard's case, that has been violated and now you will answer for it. So will he. If we truly intend to make this a country of 'any statement is admissible', then we should take down those stringent rules we have in our laws about consent, because it's obvious that we don't care about that. Whoever took and published that video, who I'm sure is famous if not rich, should be sued for their worth for putting him out there like that. But that won't happen. The unethical perpetrator will go on with no repercussion while the person who did nothing more than speak his mind in private will be publicly crucified.

As much as I like seeing the real sides of public figures, I'm tired of seeing this information plucked from sneak-a-peak photos and cell-phone videos. Say what you like about the behaviors that we caught on camera but I think Josh Howard, Michael Richards, and Mel Gibson would agree. When we've reached the point of trolling You Tube for media stories, it's evident that our media is not reporting on real issues.

Hispanic: The Other White Meat

2008-09-17T03:43:00.000-07:00

It was a decade ago. What a difference ten years makes. A census study stated that by 2050, white people would no longer be the majority race in this country. If this information had been released when we weren't trying to commit impeachment-by-felatio, it would have been a bigger story. Still, if you look at the changes that have been made in the past ten years...maybe it was.

Think back to 1998:

tech stocks were making people rich,
El Nino was being blamed for everything from ruining crops to raising your cholesterol,
California became the first state to ban smoking outdoors
Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for bombing the World Trade Center
the Denver Broncos won the Super Bowl
the Winter Olympics were in Nagano, Japan
the Oscar for Best Film went to the movie Titanic
Proposition 227 in California banned bi-lingual education (which included Ebonics)
Michael Jordan won his sixth NBA title with the Chicago Bulls and then retired...for the second time.
Mark McGwire broke Hank Aaron's single-season home run record*
We found out what Catholic priests were doing with the Altar boys for all these years
Jesse "The Body" Ventura was elected Governor of Minnesota

Yeah, that was 1998. But there is one more thing that we had in 1998 that we no longer have...Hispanics, Whites, and Blacks. It's worth noting that '98 was the year that McGwire broke the home run record* because his record number of homers was followed by Sammy Sosa (playing with the Chicago Cubs). Sammy Sosa, while being as dark as most Blacks, has always considered himself Hispanic/Latino. He, like a lot of Hispanic people chose to identify himself by ethnic standards and not racial standards. The U.S. did not, at that time, accept Central/South Americans under the same standards that we held ourselves. While we divided ourselves up by Race, we allowed immigrants from the South to collect themselves by Ethnicity. If you don't know the history of this country and ethnic divisiveness, that may not seem significant to you. Knowing the history, it meant only one thing...they would have to be co-opted and assimilated.

There's just one problem with racially co-opting Hispanic immigration to this country, they are the most racially diverse people on the planet!

It would do those in power no good to place the emerging Hispanic population with the Native Americans, though that is the most accurate generalization, by far. They couldn't be universally adopted as 'White' because someone like Sammy Sosa would have screwed that up altogether. So what they were left with was trying to split Hispanics and Latinos between White and Black. Now here was the ingenuity of that decision...many, though not all, Central and Latin American countries are Colorist in their nature. While we have Racism, they have Colorism because there are too many racial mixes and they're so diverse that you can't clearly tell who belongs to which race(s). This Colorist system praises the lighter shade and condemns the darker shade (though rising to prominence in sports or music will go a long way toward removing any dark color stigma). Hispanic countries get their Colorist underpinnings from the Spanish and the Portuguese, naturally. The Spanish and the Portuguese had just removed the Moors (African Muslims) from power in the Iberian Peninsula before their conquests in South, Central, and North America which later led to their involvement in trading African slaves.

What is the result of Colorism brought into a country with Racism? We now have the option of being Non-Hispanic White (George W. Bush), Non-Hispanic Black (Michael Clarke Duncan), White-Hispanic, or Black-Hispanic. Then there's always Native American, Asian, and Other. So here's my question to you, can you place these twenty prominent Hispanics (though not all Americans) comfortably into a White or Black racial slot?

George Lopez - comedian
Antonio Banderas - actor, producer
Sammy Sosa - MLB baseball player
Andy Garcia - actor
Manny Ramirez - MLB baseball player
Carlos Mencia - comedian
Tony Gonzalez - NFL football player
Rich Rodriguez - college football coach
Henry Cisneros - former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
Bill Richardson - governor of New Mexico

Celia Cruz - Grammy winning singer
Christina Aguilera - Grammy winning singer
Gisele Bundchen - World's highest paid supermodel
Jennifer Lopez - actress, singer
Rebecca Lobo - WNBA basketball player, Olympic Gold medalist
Lorena Ochoa - WPGA golfer
Gloria Estefan - Grammy winning singer

Salma Hayek - actress, model

Rita Moreno - Grammy-winning singer, Tony-winning performer, Emmy & Oscar-winning actress
Selena - singer

I didn't think so, they can't either. Colorism would suggest you claim to be white as that is praised. Black has historically had negative connotations in this and other countries. So over time it is likely that the incoming Hispanics will become White (not in pigment, just in classification), which will alleviate the Racial power shift that was predicted for 2050 (more recently updated to 2042). If the U.S. reclassifies the majority of immigrant Hispanics as white, then White will remain the "racial" majority in this country. Hispanic: The Other White Meat

There's No Room for Hyphenated Americans

2008-09-17T03:32:00.000-07:00

“There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.”
President Teddy Roosevelt, 1915

The statement is more to the point today than it has ever been in the history of this country. We are more diverse today than ever and the attentions of the American citizen are pulled to so many other things before we think of our country. We become Americans on the 4th of July and Labor Day and Thanksgiving and during the Olympics or World Cup. The rest of the time we’re middle-class, middle-aged, minority, sub-urban, Republicrats who follow the Tarheels, Cowboys, Lakers, or Red Sox AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT, PAL! We’re Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, Mexican on Cinco de Mayo, Christian on Christmas and patriotic on Memorial and Veteran’s Day. With all the things that we hang our identity on, it’s no wonder that we think we need hyphens.

Still, there is the intent of President Roosevelt’s statement. Let me give you a little background to what was going on at the time he said it and why. In 1915, World War I had been going on for a year. Roosevelt was six years out of the White House but still a prominent political figure. The U.S. had yet to enter into the war…that would happen in 1917. There was a good deal of pressure being placed on politicians by Irish-Americans and German-Americans who had an interest in getting the U.S. military involved in the war in support of their homeland nations. In case you don’t remember your history, Ireland and Germany were on different sides of the war.

Teddy wanted to make it clear that nationalism of American citizens to homeland nations threatened the greater good of this nation. The U.S. took a stance of neutrality at the beginning of WWI and it was Roosevelt’s contention that if we entered into the conflict, it should be for reasons befitting this nation’s welfare, not loyalties of its citizens to their ‘homeland’. While the speech and its intent spoke to divisions among Americans of European Descent (see how much a pain that is to say), it is just as true now that we have significant populations from every continent and many more nations.

At the time of this writing, our country is going back and forth over issues of political party, class, race, gender, nationalism and region. Whichever of these issues plays the loudest for you will likely be what drives your decision on whom to vote for. That is politics as usual. That is why candidates pander to you regarding far more issues than they have interest or ability to address. That is not going to help us get out of the collective mess that we find ourselves in. We’ve got to address our nation’s infrastructure, economy, industry, security, education system, and healthcare. None of those issues are hyphen specific. These issues affect us all.

For those who are able to vote, please pay attention to current events and the policies that our government candidates propose. Oh, and do one more thing for me…GO VOTE! For those who are unable to vote stay involved and get others to vote.

(Paraphrased from the original speech)
“The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin, of preventing all possibility of its continuing to be a nation at all, would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling special-interest groups, an intricate knot of nationalities, political parties, races, ethnicities, genders and other interest, each preserving its separate loyalty, each at heart feeling more sympathy with members of that interest group, than with the other citizens of the American Republic.”

You can find the entire speech at the following location:
http://www.theodore-roosevelt.com/trquotes.html

I Invented Pants!

2008-09-17T01:50:00.000-07:00

Now don't get me wrong...I'm no Al Gore, but I invented pants. I also invented the internet, Health Maintenance Organizations, sudden death overtime, chili cheese fries, and hybrid-electric automobile engines.

What??? You don't believe me? You don't believe that I, in my infinite power, wisdom, purpose, and inventiveness could create these things that have changed our computing, healthcare, football, snacking, and driving (respectively)?

Ok, I admit it...maybe I didn't invent them. But I could have, I mean, I'm not the President or anything, but I have the ability to come up with these concepts. As such, the good and the bad of these things should rightly be attributed to me, right? I should be praised for the wonders of eBay, semi-annual checkups, the Tuck rule, higher cholesterol, and those uppity tree-hugging Prius drivers...right?

OK, I admit it...coming up with these ideas, or even knowing they are possible doesn't exactly lay the praise or blame at my feet. After all, I'm not the President, right? There are other people who were responsible for inventing those things, cultivating those things, manufacturing those things, and making them come to life, right?

I mean really, the Internet was invented through military and NASA technology in the late 70's (I mean, I was a smart baby, but dayum). Health Maintenance Organizations were developed by healthcare conglomerates and insurance companies to package healthcare in a manner that yielded higher insurance returns. Sudden death overtime was brought in by the NFL to eliminate tie games that screwed up their playoff system. Chili-cheese fries were probably invented by the owner of a dive restaurant or bar and taste so damned good that now everyone serves them. And hybrid-electric engines...well, they started in jet design but were adapted to automobile engines by Toyota.

Now this sounds an awful lot like some things that are being tossed around as the fault of the currrent White House, though they were invented by someone else, carried out by someone else, or neglected by someone else and never were their responsibility. For all their fuck-ups, and there are many, the President and Vice-President aren't even in the top 10 when the blame comes up for American jobs being outsourced, 9-11, failures in New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the decline in manufacturing/agricultural

jobs, or the mortgage crisis. With the exception of Katrina, most of these things were started (by action or inaction) of federal government agencies, or foreign policy dating back 10-30 years. If anything, this should teach us one thing. We're better served with a smaller government who lets us tend to our own needs than a bigger one that can fuck us over lose an election and escape judgment.

There is plenty that this Presidential administration is responsible for royally fucking up...leading an ineffective war in Iraq for six years, allowing the cost of gas, higher education, and healthcare to skyrocket beyond what Americans can afford, and a "No Child Left Behind" policy that undermined the ability of schools to educate. They should answer for that, but they won't. They should have been impeached, but they weren't. A swift boot in the ass for every soldier who's passed and a shot in the arm for every cent that gas has gone up in the last eight years sounds about fair, but we're not going to get that either. We're just going to get a new figurehead who has no more power to solve the world's problems in a four-year term than the last four had. If your fear is that one, or a few people, abuse power...give them less power.

Also, remember that 3 of the 4 people trying to get to the White House were in Congress while the forces that have made these eight years horrible grew! Obama or McCain will make very little difference. Limit the scope and responsibility of the federal government. Put the responsibility in the hands of people who are involved longer than two or four-year terms.

Barack Obama: Role-Model? Maybe. African-American Role-Model? NO!

2008-09-17T01:47:00.000-07:00

Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawai'i in 1961. Hawai'i has never even a meager black population and never took part in 'African' slavery or Jim Crow laws. His parents were a Kenyan-exchange student at the University of Hawai'i and a female student from Kansas. His father stayed on the scene for two years and then split. His mother later remarried to an Indonesian-exchange student (are we noticing a pattern yet)? The Indonesian step-father moved the family to Indonesia. At the age of 10 he moved back to Honolulu to live with his maternal (mid-western, white) grandparents. He didn't go to a Historically Black College, he went to Columbia and Harvard. None of that roots him Black American history, heritage, culture, or experience.

These were his formative years, influences, and impressions. Growing up mulatto in Hawai'i with an absentee African (not African-American) father and a strong white family does not make him any part of the African-American experience.

When Gov. Bobby Jindal was running for office in Louisiana there were newspapers that reported him as 'the first African-American candidate to be seriously considered for governor'. Bobby Jindal is Indian-American!!! And I don't mean Cherokee or Sioux, I mean from India (where his parents moved here from). I would say the same thing to Barack Obama as I would say to Bobby Jindal...skin color doesn't make you what I am. The only difference is this, Bobby Jindal never claimed to be me. These days Bobby Jindal isn't confused for me either, it's established that he's of Indian stock.

Now don't misunderstand me, I take nothing away from his accomplishments, his eloquence, his intelligence, or his charisma. He is obviously very intelligent (judging by his education at Columbia and Harvard). He is obviously very eloquent. He obviously has a very strong family (on his mother's side). What white, Kansas family do you know would readily support their daughter having children by an African (who left her) and an Indonesian (who left her) and raise the children themselves, while moving to Hawai'i? He obviously had family with money...Hawai'i isn't cheap, Columbia isn't cheap, Harvard isn't cheap. Aside from his not having an attending father, he was well setup and good for him. Even being well setup, he still admittedly got hooked on drugs and alcohol...ok, he's American...hell, he's damn near a Kennedy! If not for having married a chocolate Black lady and having children, it'd be hard to tell he was "African-American" at all. I know white sun-worshippers who are darker than him.

He is not what I am. To him Roots has as much depth and meaning as Evita has to people in Kenya. He is not the same as me and it's exhausting having people try to force him down my throat. I don't feel compelled to vote for him or even like him because of his ethnicity. Ethnically, we have about as much in common as I do with Joe Biden. If or when you hear me say "I can't wait to see a Black president" it should be interpreted as follows..."I can't wait for the progeny of the historically subjected peoples (black and brown) of THIS land to ascend to the highest office in our government."

No high-yellow mulatto with an absentee African namesake father and white family who grew up in a part of the country that wasn't even part of the country during slavery can claim that.

Would it be nice to see a non-white President? Sure. It would be nice to see a non-male president too, but that won't happen this election. It may be nice to see a non-male vice-president but that remains to be seen. For me though, don't ask me if I'm gonna vote "the brotha" into office or some shit like that...we ain't brothas like that. As for the election, I'm just hoping one of these two will step up and say something that will actually help this country. No matter who wins this election, I'll still keep looking out for the first BLACK president.

Parable of the Spoons -- Love that doesn't come from Hallmark

2007-02-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,
"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like." The Lord led
the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man
looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the
middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and
made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared
to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each
found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but
because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the
spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of
their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same
as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of
stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped
with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well
nourished and plump, laughing, and talking. The holy man said, "I don't
understand."

"It is very simple," said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see,
in Heaven they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy in Hell
think only of themselves."