To the Ladies...

Don't assume that guys won't care where you are, because we do.

If you are at the mall, at work, with your mom, or buying shoes we care...not a whole lot but we care.
If you are on your knees, on your back, on the kitchen counter with whipped cream and garters on we care...oh man, do we care.

Or...

If you are on your knees, on your back, or on the hood of some other dude's car, you better believe we care!


Also, don't talk about your ex-boyfriends.

They obviously didn't cut it, didn't treat you right, couldn't keep it up, couldn't keep it in their pants, or couldn't stay out of your underwear drawer long enough to keep you...so why talk about those losers.

If you feel the need to talk about them, the best way to approach the topic is with my dick in your mouth, then talk away...remember, no teeth.


We don't care if you talk to other guys.

Just have the decency to introduce them to us...nothing drives a man crazier than hearing about (or worse, seeing) his woman flirting with another dude that's been hidden from him.

If you feel you absolutely must ride that pony into the sunset, at least have the compassion to get his girlfriend or wife to join us. Don't hog all the fun for yourself, share! (My kindergarten teacher was a prophet!).


Also, when we tell you you're pretty / beautiful / gorgeous / cute / stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't assume we're saying it just to appease you or because we just want to get laid. We don't always say it even though we ALWAYS want to get laid. Out of all the women on this planet we chose your pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, cute, stunning ass to be with at this moment in time, so know that we mean it.


Don't be mad when we hold the door open

If we're doing that it shows that we were raised by parents who taught us to treat people, in general, and women, in particular, with courtesy, respect, and character. That and with yall making more money, our gender role being squandered like a rich kid's trust fund and all this metrosexual crap going on these days, it's one of the few ways a real man can still be a man (thank God football and titty bars haven't been made illegal yet).


Kiss us when no one's watching.

We don't really go for the typical PDA. It, like the fancy towels, plates, throw rugs, and make-up, is more for show than anything else.
Now if you are inclined for Pubic Displays of Affection, we will be delighted to find the nearest alcove, car, movie theater, or bathroom to suit your needs. Like I already mentioned, we're not in it for the show, so let's go!


You don't have to get dressed up for us.

While we do like it when you do, we aren't staying with you for your mini-skirt, awesome hair, or the way you put 10-lbs. of makeup on so that it looks like you aren't wearing any. We know you are the finest piece of tail that God put on this Earth and, in typical guy fashion, we could care less about the wrapping paper, we want the present.


We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

We aren't with you just because you are a dancer, nurse, teacher, submissive, bi-sexual, orally-fixated, heavily-pierced, nympho (but if you are, my number of 919-555-1212)...we are with you because you are you, in all it's splendor: racing emotions, heavily detailed stories about everyday events, indecisive, wanting attention (even during the game), need to talk about our relationship, biological clock, and all.
If you fit the first set of characteristics, remember my number is 919-555-1212.


Don't take everything we say seriously.

We're joking when we say things like "Do you think your sister would be into joining us?", "Your best friend is a MILF", "Why don't we ask her to come back to our hotel?", and "This is why my last gf/wife got that restraining order."...unless you're into that sort of thing. Hey, we're just trying to make light of the situation and really, if you wanted sensitive, compassionate, empathic dialogue you'd be dating your girlfriends (just let us bring the camera...see, just kidding...unless you're into that sort of thing).


Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

If these people already knew "10 Secrets to Please Your Man", "How to Lose 20 lbs. in 2 weeks", "Making the Most Fulfilled You", and "Explosive Nights with Black Lights", they'd already be pole dancing at Catch Her In The Rear. The people who write those articles spend as much time as you do trying to figure those things out when the answer is right in front of them...

Be Yourself
Love Yourself
Love Others
Don't Others Impressions of You Determine Your Impression of Yourself
and
What's Behind You and Facing You is Not as Important as What's In You!

You know we love you, so let us in you. We'd like to be more important than a 100-page glossy tabloid.


IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY, DISCRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT

We know, we know, we know that you want a bad boy.
We know, we know, we know that you want a thug.
We know, we know, we know that you want a player.

We also know that you want someone who will treat you right, take care of you, and do right by you. On behalf of all men, I want to let you women know one thing...every man has bad boy, thug, and player in them. The ones you go after don't have much else in them. Find a good man who genuinely cares about you, your well-being, your feelings, and your needs and nurture the bad boy, thug, and player out of him. Hell, if you can get a guy to wash his ass, pick up his clothes, and take out the trash...bring out a good man's inner bad boy is a cinch! Then you get the best of both worlds.

A Letter to BBWs

Ladies,

As a man who appreciates BBW's I would like to send this out to you. This is on behalf of myself but I'd be willing to bet other BBW lovers can/will echo my sentiments.

The phrase Big, Beautiful Woman was written that way to describe you for a reason because you are Big AND Beautiful...not big despite being beautiful, not beautiful because you are big...that don't work. Not all beautiful women are big and not all big women are beautiful. For those of you who are, thank you for being that.

So, now that I've identified who I'm talking about I would like to make some statements to you...

1. When you've got a man who will go down on you, help him out. If I've got to focus on keeping (let's just call it skin) out the way of your pussy, I'm not fully focused on getting you hot. That's a damn shame for both of us. So help a brotha out by lifting it up so I can get down while I'm going down.

2. You sweat. I'll say it again, you sweat. I sweat. We all sweat. You and I just happen to do it more when we have sex because (if we're doing it right) it's hot stuff. Don't use the fear of sweating as an excuse not to get into it. I'm more put off by a woman who ain't getting into the sex than a woman who sweats alot.

3. KY is not your enemy. Your big and beautiful self has more (let's just call it skin) around your pussy than other women. Because of this, while your pussy may be sopping wet, that don't necessarily translate to the outside. This creates some friction problems that ain't all good (particularly with a condom on). So if I, or any other man, pulls out some lube don't get pissed. We're just trying to make it right for us to do the damned thing.

4. Even if you ain't exercising regularly...stretch. Stretch early and stretch often. Ain't nothing good when I'm with you and you can't do no other position than doggystyle because your legs won't stretch no other way. I like to change it up a bit but you got to work with me.

That's all I have to say. Continue to be your big and beautiful self and I'll keep loving you. If you do (or are already doing) the things I mention here...hit me up.

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better, but don't expect him to wait forever.

Never live your life for a man.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then hell no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up!

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or he's in a better job.

Do not make him into a Quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more ..... nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you...a relationship consists of two whole individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary..

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are and you're always readily available to him, he'll takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you what you need.

Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT

IF A WOMAN WANTS YOU...

If a woman wants you, nothing can keep her away (not threats, not police, not even a court order)

If she doesn't want you, nothing can make her stay (not threats, not guilt, not even violence)

Stop making excuses for a woman and her behavior. Even when hormonal she is just as accountable for her actions as you are for yours.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Some women can help you grow, some can help you heal, but if you are the only one being made to change you are neither growing nor healing, you are being molded.

Slower is better, but don't expect her to wait forever.

If a relationship ends because the woman took you for granted or treated you like shit, then hell no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you aren't getting what you want now, you're not going to get it later.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid women who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different men.She didn't learn from any of the previous experience, why would she wise up now? Support and provide for another man's kids and guess what, you still won't be their father. You could be tied in her pen of men with all the other baby daddies…doesn't that sound like fun?

Always have your own set of friends separate from hers.

Maintain boundaries in how a woman treats you. You are not a child or a dog or some lesser being.

If something bothers you, speak up!

Never share everything with a woman, she will use it against you later. Still, don't lie, that she will use that against you forever.

You cannot change a woman's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make her feel she is more important than you are...even if she has more education or he's in a better job. Do not make her into a Quasi-god. She is a woman, nothing more...nothing less.

Never let a woman define who you are or tell you what you should be.

Never borrow someone else's woman.

If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you.

If she cheats it's not the other man's fault, it's yours (hers and yours). You tried to keep her when she didn't want to stay (women will always give you signs before then, if you'll just listen). She wasn't forthright enough to end it before going on to another man.

If you cheat, it's the same scenario. Your woman may not see it that way, but it is.

A woman will only treat you the way you allow her to treat you.

Foreplay is not dirty. Sex is not dirty. Kink is not dirty. Fetish is not dirty. Nothing is dirty if you share it in love.

All men are NOT dogs. It's not something you owe your DNA to act like one.

You need time to heal between relationships. Baggage is both sad and damaging. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you...a relationship consists of two whole individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if she doesn't turn out to be Ms. Right. Still, don't confuse Ms. Right-Now for Ms. Right.

Make her miss you sometimes. When a woman always knows where you are and you're always readily available to her, she'll take it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a woman who doesn't give you what you need.Keep her in your radar, but get to know others.

Don't let any woman cut you off from all others, that's a trap.

Share this with other dudes..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink his choices, and another man prepare.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN, SO TAKE A HINT.