What happened to Personal Responsibility?

McDonald's Happy Meal Lawsuit
Sex Ed in the Age of Snooki
21 States file lawsuit against new Healthcare law

Over the past week I have read article after article speaking about how victimized, how powerless, how downtrodden, and how oppressed Americans are.  It's enough to make me go to some place with loads of personal freedoms, like Taliban-controlled Afghanistan.  Seriously?  When did we become a nation of self-important but not self-empowered whiny cry-babies?

"I can't be held responsible for my child being obese."  Really?  You are the parent/guardian and the only one deciding what your child eats or does not eat.  You also have primary influence on how much physical activity that child gets.  I think responsibility lands squarely on your shoulders.

"Commercials for toys are making my child want to eat unhealthy fast food"  Really?  If you are the parent, you have the option of changing the channel, changing the programming your kids watch, or just turning the TV off.  If you fail to do any of the above, or something else to thwart the manipulative advertisements (that is redundant), then the responsibility lands squarely on your shoulders.  Impulse control in your child is entirely your responsibility.  Controlling what your child eats and making sure they eat healthy is entirely your responsibility.

"I can't be held accountable for teaching my children about gender roles and personal self esteem because they watch Snooki." 
Really?  You allow a retarded person on television to hold more sway in how your child sees the world than you?  You have let someone who has only gained popularity and notoriety last year become a stronger influence on your child than you?  If that's the case you should be charged with criminal endangerment.  You have the access, the right and the responsibility to teach your child how to view the world and people in it.  It is your duty.

"It's not my fault that the contract (that I signed) raised my interest rates (which they specified) on the mortgage (which I entered into) on my house (which was never really yours and you couldn't afford)."  Really?  When I was growing up kids were taught to read the fine print.  Interesting enough the majority of people caught up in the real estate side of the sub-prime crisis were "surprised" by details in a contract which they signed and had in their possession.  Let the buyer beware.  They told you that they were going to rob you, wrote it down on a piece of paper which you signed, and you want to claim it isn't your fault.  If you believe that, hand me your checkbook.

"I'm being oppressed because the county that I live in won't continue to bus my kids across the county to better schools and bus those other kids into the rat hole that I live in." 
Really?  Now this one is particularly interesting because the individuals that are leading this fight are the same individuals who could have addressed these issues ahead of time.  Anyone interested in having a better education for their children could have gotten involved in tutoring/mentoring, creating after-school programs, or just provided an educational environment in the community.  I seem to remember a lot of that in lower-income neighborhoods in a number of major cities.  If you don't want to do all of that, you could have picked up and moved to Cary, Morrisville, Apex, or other parts of Raleigh, like all the parents you want to condemn did.  In most cases, Western Wake County is less expensive and has more resources than SE Raleigh or Garner.  Don't believe me?  Ask all the Hispanics and Africans that live in Cary and Apex.  The houses are roughly the same as in SE and Garner, but they cost less and their kids are in neighborhoods with well-performing schools.  If you are not prepared to improve the situation where you are or move your family into a better situation, then you are not being oppressed you are being lazy and childish.

I think the last one is the most telling and saddest.

"If I'm made to get healthcare insurance, I am being oppressed."
Really?  Are you human?  If so, your body will experience sickness.  Are you an adult?  If so, you have likely already survived sicknesses that your parents or guardian(s) paid for on your behalf.  Just like Auto Insurance protects you and your vehicle, because we know it will breakdown eventually, Healthcare Insurance protects you and your body because we know it will breakdown eventually.  Everyone dies.  No one dies of good health.  So your argument is that you can be forced to insure your car (if you have one, or plan to drive one), forced to insure your home (if you buy/lease a house or rent an apartment) but being forced to insure yourself (which you can't get rid of until death) is state-mandated oppression?  No, insuring yourself is doing something that all the previous examples do not do.  It makes you accountable for you, your health, and your eventual healthcare costs.  If that doesn't sound fair to you, feel free to move to Mexico and see how long being uninsured sounds like a good idea.

When we were the kick ass and take names country, I had no problem with us being the richest, the sexiest, the most glamorous, the most powerful.  We earned it!  We worked multiple jobs.  We started businesses and grew them to enormous sizes.  We saw those who had more, got mad that they had more, and found ways to EARN what they had and more.  More and more it seems like we are losing that in this country.  Everything is someone else's fault.  We've become fat, dumb and happy.  In short, we've become soft.  We don't have the luxury of arguing McDonald's Happy Meals and "I don't wanna pay for my healthcare" when we're in massive debt and at war.

Student protest @ NC State Freedom of Expression tunnel

Students block N.C. State's Free Expression Tunnel over slurs :: WRAL.com

I love that the students are using their rights to protest. I just wish I could agree with what they are protesting. You can't have "Free" speech and have it regulated. You can't have "Free" expression and have it limited. You can't have "Free" anything with rules or guidelines on it. If you want the "Don't offend me or us or them or anyone" Expression wall...not too many people will use it and no one would want to read what's on it. Welcome to the hardest to take freedom a diverse population can have!

Being me & consequences

I have been me for 32 years now. There are positives and negatives to being me. I enthrall and piss off a lot of people. I succeed and fail a lot of the time for the same reasons. I am lovable and hate-able because I focus on what is important to me, I downplay things which are out of my realm, and I scheme and plan for everything else. I say what many believe shouldn't be said. I think what many believe shouldn't be thought. I live my life as though finding enjoyment (in any form) in the next moment is all there is...and the living of that life steps on the toes, sentiments, feelings, morees, beliefs, assumptions, and MOs of most people.

Who is left? Those who take themselves just seriously enough to be called by the same name from one night to the next. Those who accept that every plan has a 90% chance of failure due to things that you did not know you needed to control in order to make the rest of your plan work without fail. Those who live on the whims of life and are willing to glide in my draft for a time. Those who live a life with both purpose and plan which happen to coincide with me for a time. Those who, through no fault of their own, grow to love me and what I mean to their lives. Those who take themselves just serious enough, or not serious at all. The former can be a forever if our means, our desires, and our methods do not clash. The latter is a fly-by-night and can't be counted on for anything deeper than entertainment.

So who am I left with? Those who have undertaken a plan and purpose to whatever ends they desire. Will they maintain the bridge that links us? Maybe. If I will, probably. If I won't or don't, probably not. They are the focus of their lives as they are the focal point of their dreams and desires. They are the lead in their play and that's how it should be. They've got more important roles than to be a side-part in my play. Who remains? Those who are intricately tied into my plans and purpose and those who love me even when they hate me (and in time everyone will have that experience). How do I embrace those ties to those people for those purposes which will no sooner leave me than the skeleton that keeps my body in place? I don't know. I'm working on finding out but the answer is that I don't know. Where our focus and plan and purpose meet, there is a synergy that is only strained by a difference of method, experience, perspective, attitude and goal. Small things really, unless you put importance on them and then they are the whole world!

I can empathize with a person's past but that won't shake me from important truths that I have come to accept. I can learn from another person's experience and see the benefit in doing something a certain way but that won't shake me from doing what I feel is needed to achieve my/our desired result. I can come to understand the archetype that embodies the role of the role I currently occupy and know how that has come to make an influence on those I love...but that standard, or archetype, or example is not, will not and can not be me because we are not the same. Your past, your past people and your ideal are wonderful but they are not me. I will not occupy that role because they are not me. I will not take on the persona of anything or anyone that is not me. I am me and I will be genuine me for as long as I live.

Geniune me doesn't have the answers
he is still looking, and finding more questions
Genuine me doesn't have a routine
he finds newness in every aspect of his life
Genuine me strives for transient status in transient goals
but focuses on very sedentary and tangible aims
Genuine me has never met a stranger
Genuine me only bites his tongue when the consequences are greater than the pain of biting
Genuine me bends to an objective but refuses to break
Genuine me recognizes all and accepts very few.
Genuine me is me
It is not him or her or them or what was or what will be or what you want
but just is
me
as I am

At present, the consequence of honesty is unknown
the consequence of dishonesty is very well known and unacceptable
Unacceptable because I will not sully my journey for "visiting hours"
I will not shackle my persona because my free speech costs too much
I will not muzzle my tongue because there are only a few good men left
and they can't handle the truth
I am me...genuine
genuinely confused
genuinely frustrated
genuinely naive
genuinely aggressive
genuinely social
genuinely up and down
genuinely every problem and every solution I've evr found
and in it, a physical manifestation of one's dream
becomes
real.

Not Happy

I am not happy I am angry I am frustrated I am confused I am sad I am
not happy

A million little slights and dings and setbacks and limitations sting at me
over and over
condescension
arrogance
hubris
malevolence
debasement
spite
envy
over-emotional
over-critical
over-aggressive
over-passive
over-compensated

under appreciated
under respected
under wanted
under fire under pressure under constant scrutiny under the shadow of those who do less but make mouths happy

under happy
under
a lot
of shit
that grows
at an alarming rate
an alarming rate of speed
an alarming rate of mass
an alarming rate of impact
alarming
i am the only one alarmed
i
am the only one
alarmed
that I'm not happy
i am the only one who sees
that I'm not happy

One shot to coat my soul
a soul hollowed out by memories
of memories that
never happened to me
by the anguish of a friend
by the torment of stranger-turned-friend
by the crisis of the unconcerned
by the health of a hypochondriac
by everyone's reasons excuses stories anecdotes traumas abuses
by everyone

by the drowning of my self-imposed muzzle
in the bottle of medi-sin I choose
by being so far gone that
talking over someone
walking away
laughing at ridiculousness
and telling someone to shut the hell up
armors my senses and releases some of my
burden

is it better to be the asshole drunk who's getting healthier
or the sober nice guy who dies
a little faster than others

neither the asshole drunk nor the sober nice guy were terribly happy
the sober nice guy will be less broke
the asshole drunk will be less social
the sober nice guy will live in his livingroom
the asshole drunk will live
they need to come up with a new guy
blind to the past
hopeful for the future
confident in today

they don't know how
they don't know how

How Do I Unwind

You asked me how do I unwind
How do I relax
How do I shake the dirt, grime, and weight of responsibilities past, present, and future from the seams of my life
How do I breakthrough the block of frustration, anxiety, paranoia, stress and anger that clouds my mind
Now I’ll answer

I unwind by experiencing
I unwind by interacting
I unwind by doing what no one else can do
What no one else can see
What no one else can have
I experience situations, conversations, actions, reactions
I experience music and art and philosophy and humor
I experience movement in connection with everything and everyone around me
I experience the pull that everyone has on me and me pulling back on them
I live
So that I may kill
That which attempts to grow
Inside me
By shrinking the pieces of me

In my last trip I experienced
I lived a combination of events that no one has ever had
I experienced something that can’t be copied, bought or DVR’d
It is a one of a kind and it is mine for all time

It was a “she’s four nuts away from having a nice ass” kinda night
It was a “licking her stanky sore bald wet hot pussy” kinda night
It was a Jewish DJ spinning hip-hop for Asian breakdancers kinda night
It was a shot of Jack Daniels in a Dixie cup listening to a piano player play and sing “I’ve Got Friends In Low Places” kinda night
It was a peaceful walk through downtown Raleigh kinda night
It was a night for young ladies to look at me like the kind old guy at the bar and wonder why I would be interested in breakdancing kinda night
It was a watching a young ambitious 22-year old guy hit on every chick in a bar only to fuck it up every time kinda night
It was a walking and not knowing where you’re going but when you find it, it calls to you kinda night
It was a 75 up I-40 and 55 down Rt. 55 kinda night
It was a “so just how dusty is your vagina” kinda night
It was a completely wrong and just right kinda night
It was my experience
MY EXPERIENCE
It was something I’ll never have to give away and can only lose if I forget it
It was something only the persons in that place, in that time, at that apex of history can have
It won’t happen again
It did happen to me

How can you help me unwind?
Experience with me
Share your experiences with me
Create experiences in our own places, in our own times, and on those apexes we will stand having shared what only we could create
Fiction, non-fiction, fantasy, education and games are all well and good
But they are not genuine experience
And can never approach it

My drug of choice is to create with those I love and enjoy) that which no others can
And savor them
Their rich greasy floral pungent aroma
Their hand on the back with sharp nails bass in your bones and JD on the tongue massage
Their was I really there did they really say that this can’t be happening but it’s so fucking cool memento
I want to unwind and share my drug of choice, my medi-sin, my high-definition tantra with you

The clay fights back...NO MORE

I am, and always have been, a lump of clay. Dense, dull, and soft. Purposeless, except by shaping. Formless, except by shaping. Useless, except by purpose and form. I have been shaped and molded by each and every person that has come into my life. They have added to me or taken from me and I have been rendered anew again and again and again. I have taken many different forms, done many different things, looked many different ways for the many different nouns in my life. I have touched and been touched, felt and been felt, mended and broken, covered and revealed both myself and those around me. I have been guide to those who asked and guided by those I have asked and now I must guide myself.

I have made choices...to love, to sire, to work, to live (better). I have guides but those guides can show me how they want me to be but not how I should be that. I guide others but those others can tell me what they want to be shown but not how to show it. I heal and hurt, touch and feel, mend and break the purposes and forms and uses that I once had to mold and be molded into the choices that I have made. To do that I must move beyond what I have been. To do that I must move beyond the roles that I have allowed myself to be placed in. To do that I must move beyond the forms that I have allowed myself to take. To do that I must shake, shape or sever relationships that I have fostered. To do that I must cut away that which will neither fit nor fold.

I have to tell you, it hurts. It is one thing to be shaped by others and say that's how it is supposed to be because you are not responsible for the pain. It is one thing to be painted with another's brush because you are not responsible for the colors. It is one thing to be used by and use others by their instruction because you are not responsible for the outcome. It is completely another to not be. It is completely another to be responsible. Why? Because I'm hurting myself.

I'm taking away lust to make room for love. No more sudden bouts of heat followed by intense desire culminated with fiery passion with someone I know nothing about. Now I know the good the bad and the ugly and love on. I force myself to let go of or forget the annoyances, slights, and injuries to leave a clear path for my love to get to you.

I've never let go of annoyances, slights and injuries. They've been my guideposts for telling me who to care for and who to spend time with. I've taken those signs down but I must remove the guideposts and IT HURTS.

I'm taking away ambition for contentment. No more trampling over people's ideas because I have better and I can claim the adulation and the reward for myself. Now I am part of a team and those other people's ideas are a part of my team, which I have to support anyway. I bite my tongue over petty grievances to keep the peace. I move away to make a way, when I have to. I try hard not to dominate conversations and let other people's ideas come through. I try to listen more than I talk.

I've never held my tongue or avoided confrontation with anyone. A sharp tongue and a confrontational manner are two of the main tools that have gotten me to where I am professionally. I am biting my tongue and walking away until they become habit and IT HURTS.

I'm taking away interrogation for passive conversation. No more firing questions at people from all angles to get to the answers I want. No more badgering people with statements that twist or contradict their position faster than they can process. Now I'm learning to take a passive approach and let people come to me, if they come to me, with their position.

I've never been anything less than aggressive about my curiosities and people have always been my greatest curiosity. I want to know. I want to know now. I want to impress upon you what I know. I want to know you and I want to be right and I want it right now. I am trying to learn patience and back off and IT HURTS.

I'm taking away indulgence for moderation. No more sating my lusts for booze, smoke, food, buying luxuries and travel at any time, in any way, whenever I want. No more drinking until I black out. No more pack a day smoking. No more eating greasy, fatty, rich, decadent food from all manner of restaurant 4-6 days a week. No more buying the newest music, game, clothes, gadget just because it's cool and I want it. No more picking up and traveling to a new place on a moment's notice just because I'm tired of being where I am. I'm learning to moderate these addictions in order to live in better health, with more wealth, and in this place.

I've never denied myself anything. I spent way too long doing without, living without, being without that I deserve the luxury and leisure that I can now afford. I deserve Fettuccine Alfredo with Bacon sipping Chardonnay while smoking a menthol in different cities, with different people for having made it this far. I know that my health and wealth are intricately tied to my indulgences and I can't maintain either for long at the levels I have indulged. I live with but constantly deny my indulgences and IT HURTS.

I grow tired of hurting myself. I grow weary of even trying anymore. I shape myself and one person says it's too much while another says it's not enough. I mold myself and it's too quick for some and too slow for others. I transform myself through trimming, molding, spinning, firing, painting, and re-firing and I'm not done yet. But still, I just want to cool off. The choices that I have made are due to the things that I want. We want the same things...what I was along with what I will be. What I will be...will be. It's not what I am now. I am clay fighting my shaping. I am clay shaping myself. I am clay being shaped. I am in pain. I am in transition. I'm done fighting it.