Information hidden in an open book

(This post was originally written on February 21st, 2011)

There is an old saying:  If you want to keep something from the (insert ANY disenfranchised, downtrodden group here), put it in a book.


The premise behind it is that the groups that are unsuccessful are unwilling or unable to read.  Throughout most of history, that premise has proven more true than many are ready to accept.  Throughout most cultures the educated make up the aristocracy because they know more about the system/government, they know more about business, they know more about money, and they know more about people.

That last part, knowing more about people, was the sole reason I am interested in psychology.  It is also a big part of the reason that, while I'm not the most amicable employee I am one of the quickest to get ahead.  It's a reason why I get along well with so many different types of people and it's something I pride myself in.  It can also be one of the things that makes me the maddest when people I care about don't use.

For the most part, people don't look into knowing or finding out more about other people because they assume they already know.  A woman is crying because she is sad.  A man is angry because he lost his job.  A child throws temper tantrums because they want attention.  These are things that many of us were raised/taught to believe and many times they are true.  The problem is that they are not always true and we are overlooking something significant in those times when our initial belief/assumption is wrong.


That is a very close approximation of where I find myself now.  Over the past two months I have started a college course, found a new job, quit my current job, and done a dangerous amount of drinking.  I admit it, I have done stupid things recently and I can see how they would be scary to anyone who really cares about me.  The problem, my actions.  The solution, who knows?  But the solution a person comes up with will have a great deal to do with what they attribute the problem to.  If they internalize it and come to believe that they are a part of the problem, they'll change themselves.  If they believe something external then they might try to alleviate the effect of that thing.  But if it is something far larger and far more insidious, then they're faced with the possibility that there is nothing they can do.  That is a scary and sad state of affairs.  Sad because it may be misinformed.  Scary because it leaves the person with two options...fight against an enemy they can't see/reach or abandon trying to help in favor of self-preservation.

In this case, someone I care about very deeply has seen all the actions that I refer to above and decided that the problem is Alcoholism.  Given my history of drinking, I'm not decided not to disagree with that assessment but I was before and am now a person who drinks too much.  I freely admit that much.  That said, my drug of choice is people...always has been.  I am a very social person and I quickly go insane when my social outlets and social interactions are cut off.  If there are Socialite Anonymous meetings, point me in the right direction.

What happened in those moments that I refer to is not the manifestation or progression of Alcoholism.  Then as now, I don't drink heavily at home or by myself.  Then as now, I don't dream about or think about drinking.  Then as now, I don't become a different person when I drink.  Anyone who has seen me sober, in a good mood, in public knows that I'm every bit as outgoing, loud, and occasionally obnoxious then as I am when drinking.  Anyone who regularly watches sports with me can attest to that. 

What happened in those moments was the culmination of a lasting depression.  It is a depression based on a large number of changes in my life...some of them I love and wouldn't change for the world...others I would never had asked for and would like nothing more than to go back to the way things were, or something close to it.  These changes started gradually and then hit all at once when my children were born.  It happened, I'm dealing with it, and it is getting better.

What seriously concerns me is the blind eye that is turned to what actually is happening in favor of a simpler, easier to swallow explanation...with far more dire circumstances.  What seriously concerns me is the belief that this assumption is sufficient to explain a lot of non-drinking related behavior.  Do I drink all the time?  Am I supposed to be suffering withdrawal pangs?  No and no.  I am, nonetheless, missing my real addiction...social interaction.  I miss it terribly.  I don't get an outlet at work because, well, I'm not a terribly PC person and my conversations would lead to trouble if I tried having them at work.  I've got enough personal experience with this to know it true. 

I'm sure there's more to say on this topic but at the moment I'm tired and drawing a blank.

To be continued...